2026 here we go!

I am not going to start this saying I intend to update this diary more often as who knows what will happen over the coming year but I thought I would do a quick recap of something that happened in 2025 and then look ahead to 2026. I know reading long posts is something we all struggle with these days so I will be so grateful to anyone who reads this. You might want to make a cuppa first!

The biggest thing that happened to me in 2025 happened in August. I had my first trip to an operating theatre to have my gallbladder removed. Most people would think something like this would be traumatising but it was actually a very positive experience. 

I had been suffering with gallstones for 3 or 4 years (I fibbed to the doctors and said it had only been a year) and had managed the pain myself until July 2025. I had not called 111 or made an appointment to have it checked out with my GP as I figured I had a handle on it and I didn't want to bother the doctor when we are told that we shouldn't when things are not that serious. Therefore, I rarely bother my GP with anything. Anyway, the attack I had in July, my first in 6 months, was the worst one yet and caused me to call 111 (another first). The lovely lady I spoke to arranged an ambulance for me, I said I'd make my own way to A&E, she said "you're not driving!", I said "no, I'll get the bus", she said "no, I'm sending an ambulance". The ambulance arrived within 30 minutes and they took me off to SDEC (same day emergency care) which turned out to be a true blessing as I was seen within 15mins of arriving. I was triaged, had blood taken, saw the registrar all by 11am. They then wanted to take more blood to fully check my liver. Three nurses tried to get my veins to cooperate and eventually they did. An appointment had been made for an ultrasound the following day so I was told to go home after the blood had been taken so by 2pm I was walking out the door. I then got a call at 2.54pm from the registrar asking me to go back as they had just received a result they had been waiting on and that was higher than it should be so by 4pm I was back in SDEC. I was then sent for a CT scan and at about 5.30pm and I was told I had signs of pancreatitis and would need to stick around. I was hooked up to an IV (another first). There were no beds available but I couldn't stay in SDEC so I was sent to ED (an offshoot of A&E) and set up in a reclining chair where I stayed until they moved me at 10am the following morning to AMU (Acute Medical Unit). Still no beds so I was put in a chair at the end of a ward to wait for a bed to be vacated.

I was still booked in for the ultrasound at 11am but at 10.35am the doctors did their rounds and spoke to me. They decided not to send me for my ultrasound but to take more blood after which I could eat something, not that I really wanted to. I agreed to eat a banana and have a cup of tea. At 1.11pm two members of the surgical team came to talk to me and said I DID need the ultrasound and this would more than likely tell them my gallbladder had to come out but they couldn't fit me in that day (Thursday). They made an appointment for me on Saturday morning but said if I stuck around and didn't leave they would be able to get the ultrasound done on the Friday so I reluctantly said I'd stick around. At 1.46pm I was told I was getting a bed, at 4.50pm as was moved to another chair in another ward next to a bed that was waiting for a new mattress. At 5.38pm I finally had a bed to get into and at 5.45pm I was fed THE MOST DELICIOUS chicken dinner I have eaten in my life (I still dream of it). At 6pm 3 surgeons rocked up and said I would not be getting the ultrasound on Friday after all and it would actually be on the Saturday so I should go home! I had had a bed for 20 minutes! As it was I had to wait for my cannula to be removed and my discharge papers sorted so I had the bed until 7.50pm before the speediest taxi driver took me home and I was back in my own bed by 8.15pm.

The next part of the story is not that interesting so I'll just say, the ultrasound was done on the Saturday after which I had to wait in the "Hot Clinic" to speak to a surgeon. He said I had lots of tiny gallstones in my gallbladder and that he recommended having it out but first he wanted to do an MRI. MRI was booked for two weeks later and I had a pre-op appointment booked for the beginning of September. MRI happened (that was actually the bit I liked the least out of everything that occurred) and exactly 2 weeks later on the 19th August I had a phone call asking me if I could get to the hospital the following morning at 7.30am as they wanted to take the gallbladder out sooner rather than later and they happened to have a slot come up. I was in Fleetwood when I got the call but I was not going to pass up the opportunity for the surgery then as it was during the summer holidays and would mean I did not miss any work so I hot-footed it back to Croydon.

The following day I was first on the list so had it whipped out at about 8.30am that morning. I mentioned to the anaesthetist that I was a singer and could they be careful when inserting the tube they had to insert down my throat. He took this as a challenge and made sure he used a smaller tube and was very careful when inserting and extracting. I am SO thankful for this bit in particular as I didn't suffer afterwards with even the slightest sore throat. After I woke up, at around 11am, I went to recovery and there I stayed until about 5pm before I was sent home. I had to eat something before they discharged me and, once again, Croydon University Hospital came up trumps. I had THE MOST DELICIOUS chicken sandwich I have ever eaten (I threw it up again later but I think it was the anaesthetic that caused that not the sandwich).

And that was that really. I feel SO lucky that everything happened as it did. I wanted the operation to happen during the holidays and the stars aligned to make that happen. I had to be very careful for the next 6-8 weeks following the operation but I was well enough to start back at work 3 weeks after and for the first Christmas in 3 years or so, this year I could eat whatever I wanted without worrying that I would have a gallstone flare up. I had no time to worry about the surgery or to do any real research beforehand (partly because I had my head buried in the sand that it would ever actually happen). Since having it removed I have read so many horror stories about other people's experiences so I'm glad I didn't have time to think about it. That said, if this happens to you or anyone you know in the future, know that I have had zero problems since having it removed and the horror stories are only a tiny percentage of the overall amount of people who have this surgery.

Why are you telling us all this Claire, I hear you shout? Well, it's more for me than you, truth be told, I wanted a log of what happened. To be honest I still can't believe it actually happened. Most people are on a waiting list for ages for gallbladder removal but mine was sorted within a month. When the NHS works it is brilliant. I know it doesn't work this well for everyone all the time but I am very grateful that worked out for me (and didn't cost me anything, which I know is not the case for some in other countries. Another reason the NHS should be preserved, funded properly and encourage great people to work within it).

As I look forward to 2026 I firstly need to sort out my fatigue and lack of motivation (both partly perimenopause related I think). I'm sure the fatigue is linked, in part, to my gallbladder removal as there is nothing else wrong with me right now and I did have major surgery (routine, yes, but nonetheless major) only 4 months ago and I went straight back to work without a real break. I have had a fairly lazy Christmas and I have nothing I have to do until Monday so three more days of rest are on the menu. I think my motivation is returning a little as I did clean my bathroom and my bedroom properly yesterday, something I have been meaning to do for ages but could never muster the energy. 

Finally, my mind is full of ideas for things I want to do (work-related) in 2026. These are my top 5:

1) Sort fabulous repertoire for my choir

2) Sort out my Golden Age of Musicals cabaret to take round local care homes and clubs for the elderly

3) Write/prepare more singing workshops

4) Do more research into singing to become a better teacher

5) See more theatre!

I will try to remember to come back and give you updates but I can't promise! Have a wonderful 2026 everyone, I certainly hope I will too.

EVITA! EVITA! EVITA!

Oh my lord, I have just returned home from seeing Evita at the London Palladium starring Rachel Zegler. I had everything crossed that Rachel would be on as, although I do not have a problem with seeing understudies, I missed out on Amber Riley in Dreamgirls, my main reason for booking, as she was ill the night I went and I am a HUGE Rachel Zegler fan since seeing West Side Story and the Hunger Games prequel thing she did (I have not seen Snow White, at the time of writing, as I have heard nothing but bad things about the film as a whole and I am, therefore, scared to watch it) so really hoped I wouldn't miss out this time. Thankfully she and all other principals were on this afternoon and not one of them disappointed.

I will get to the cast in due course but my first bout of praise must go to the musical director, the orchestra and the sound department. Andrew Lloyd Webber has NEVER sounded so good. The orchestrations were electric. Not a single note was out of place, tempos were perfect, it was neither too loud nor too quiet it was quite simply perfection. Bravi a tutti!

As it was a Jamie Lloyd production, sets and costumes were minimalistic but this gave the lighting department the opportunity to throw the kitchen sink in all it's glory at the lighting design. Stunning is all I have to say about that.

So this brings us onto the cast. I apologise that this post is just a load of gushing but I don't have a bad word to say about anyone. Diego Andres Rodriguez was the Che. This was his West End Debut and only the second professional credit in his biography. It was perfect casting and although I am a great believer in actors earning their stripes, it would have been a travesty if this fabulous actor had been overlooked due to lack of experience. He is going places for sure. It's a tricky part really as Che Guevara's inclusion in the story of Eva Peron is contentious, to say the least, as historically they never met, but at least his name is recognisable and he was as prominent in South America as Peron but don't worry this is not a history lesson as I really know nowt. James Olivas was Juan Peron and boy oh boy what a beautiful voice. There was also great work from Aaron Lee Lambert as Magaldi and Bella Brown as the mistress.

So Rachel Zegler, is she worthy of the hype? In a word, YES! Firstly her voice is SO beautiful and she paces the performance brilliantly. She sings with total ease. If I were to have one tiny criticism it might be that it was, vocally, too safe but I went on a Thursday matinee so she is probably very aware that she would have another show to do in the evening so I forgive her. She is not as natural a dancer as those in the ensemble but she holds her own and makes up for it with astonishing energy and commitment to the role. At the beginning of Act 2 a screen is brought in and we watched her sing on the balcony overlooking Argyll Street and I was not prepared for how hard this ingenious bit of staging would hit. When the camera pans across the gathered crowd on the street below it feels like we are watching the crowd that could have gathered to listen to Evita back in the day (albeit with mobile phones held aloft to record this extraordinary moment) and when she finishes the iconic "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" we in the theatre hear the crowd cheering for Eva outside. It is quite spine-tingling. Whoever came up with this is a blooming genius.

Last but by no means least I have to give the ensemble the final word. Back in 2003/4 I was in the ensemble of Jerry Springer: The Opera and we won a collective Olivier Award for Best Performance in a Supporting Role in a Musical, if there is any justice in this world this ensemble should also win a similar accolade. They rarely left the stage and were quite simply dazzling both vocally and physically. Buenos Aries and A New Argentina will live rent-free in my head for the rest of my days. 

Although it is probably unlikely, I would love there to be a cast recording of this production of Evita as it was breath-taking, astonishing, glorious and somewhat life-changing. The whole trip has left me inspired and, just putting it out there, if they do end up recording this cast and need an extra soprano I would be happy to step in!

My new obsessions.....Disappointing Affirmations and weight loss!

I recently discovered an Instagram account called Disappointing Affirmations. I heartily recommend it!

I LOVE them. Words to live by, although you probably shouldn't. Having said that, sometimes you should. The one above is actually quite positive in it's way. There really never is a perfect time so just get on with it! Anyway, sometimes they are not to be taken at all seriously but they also got me thinking. I feel like I have been putting obstacles, similar to the sentiments portrayed in these disappointing affirmations, in my own way for the majority of my adult life.

I have been writing this blog, on and off, for years now but not many people read it. Partly because why would anyone read what I have to say unless you are a friend indulging me but partly because I never put it anywhere anyone who doesn't know me might read it. Putting myself out there is not a skill I possess.

The biggest obstacle I have put in my own way has absolutely been my weight. I'm sure I've spoken about my weight at other points in this blog but this is a little different. I think, with hindsight, I have purposefully kept myself on the heavier side since my early teens in order to avoid moving out of my comfort zone, or having to speak to or interact with new people. 

This is a pretty weird thing for an ex-performer (I say "ex", I may go back to it) and now choir leader to say. These two careers involve putting myself "out there" constantly but I am convinced I could go further with both if I had more self-belief and stopped putting self-imposed barriers in my way.

I am pretty sure I did this for one reason and one reason alone. To make myself unattractive (in my eyes) so no one would want to employ/date/befriend me. This attempt at sabotaging my life did not work with the befriending thing. I have somehow found myself with a wonderfully, copious amount of fabulous friends so I failed there, but I did pretty well with the other aspects. 

We're not going to talk about my dating life. There are things to mention but that's not what this is about and I would like to keep some things to myself and not share everything with the world. As far as employment goes I have never been out of work. I think I claimed the "dole" once for one week at some point in the 90s and then got a job so that was that. I have not been out of work since. However, I have kept myself at a certain level and never gone above and part of this is to do with my weight, or rather, the perception of what I feel my weight means. 

To most people my weight means nothing at all but I tell myself it means everything to everyone I come into contact with. I assume the first thing people notice is my size and after that I believe they won't be interested in me. Weirdly, I feel my weight makes me invisible. I wear my weight like it is armour.

I was listening to a podcast called "How to fail" earlier this week. The guest was Rylan Clark and he said something that really resonated with me. He said has a habit of saying self-deprecating things about his appearance because he feels if he says it first then nobody can hurt him by saying anything to him about the way he looks (I'm paraphrasing, he said it better). He also said that he has made peace with himself about how he looks. He knows he will never be happy with his appearance and so just accepts that and is now much happier. I, kind of, feel the same but I have turned a corner regarding my weight.

When I was 39 and a half I decided to join a gym as I had become aware I was getting older and, as a single person with nobody to look after me when really decrepit, I wanted to get fitter. I kept going to the gym for the next 6 years and my weight plateaued. For about 3 years I never got heavier and never lost more weight. I was happy with that, at the time, because it was still fat enough that I was still "invisible". It kept the boys at bay and also meant I wasn't asked to do anything new or out of my comfort zone. Then lockdown happened and I happily gained 3 and a half stone. I say happily, I was only happy about it until I saw myself on a video with my choir in the summer of 2021 and thought that, even for me, that was unacceptable so I decided to try and get back to my pre-pandemic happy place.

Well, in 2023 I got there and then went beyond. I recently weighed myself again and found I was half a stone lighter than when I had been going to the gym! But what does this weight-loss mean? Well nothing really. My weight has absolutely nothing to do with my success or failure. That's all in my head. I have to sort out my mindset in order to make actual changes to my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty good. I'm not depressed, I don't hate my job, I have fabulous friends. I am tired ALL the time (not in an ill way) but I feel like I need a new challenge. What kind of challenge I don't know BUT I feel like my weight is no longer going to be the thing that stops me pursuing that potential new adventure. Watch this space!

Once a year blog post!...Laziness is a curse

I seem to apologise at the beginning of every blog post I do on here but it's been over a year since I posted anything so I think an apology is in order. I am a great advocate for the saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” but I just can’t stop myself! 

For the past few years I have given a running commentary on the Eurovision Song Contest as it happens, except for the one year we actually did well. That year I went to support a friend singing in a concert at Croydon's glamorous Fairfield Halls and missed the whole thing! Anyhoo, this year, for a variety of reasons I decided to just watch the contest and text my mother during instead of putting my every thought on Facebook. However, I feel like I want to address the UK's offering and it's too long for a Facebook post so thought it might make a half decent blog post. 

Before we go any further, this is only my opinion, I have MANY issues with this year's UK entry in the Eurovision Song Contest but you might have loved it and that is, of course, fine and dandy. So please don't get all angry and annoyed with me. Your own feelings and thoughts are valid!

 

For starters, and importantly, the song the UK sent this year, “Dizzy”, was lazy. It had a decent hook but it didn’t develop so went nowhere meaning it needed stellar staging and some brilliant mixing from the sound team to stand any chance of bothering the left hand side of the scoreboard. I’m not blaming the sound team, btw, as you surely need a semi decent vocal in the first place to make a live performance sound fabulous. Unfortunately neither was forthcoming. The staging, albeit clever, was inappropriate and confusing. Olly Alexander proved himself not to be a good enough singer live. He was consistently out of tune and out of breath and the sound was no better than it was when he performed it at the semi final.

 

This was the first year they allowed the “big 5” and last year’s winning country to perform in the semi finals and I think it’s a great idea. So this year the UK, Italy, Germany, France, Spain and last year's winners, Sweden go to try out their songs and staging in front of a global audience before Saturday's final. I’ve always felt that those that don’t get a practice run at the semis are at a disadvantage so this should have given the UK the upper hand. Any problems encountered during the semi final could have been tweaked for the final but it seemed like they learned nothing.

 

If you compare him to the, spoiler alert, winning Swiss entrant, they were running around the whole stage or walking up and down a ginormous rotating disc the entire song without missing a note, a beat or a move, the UK’s singer, Olly Alexander, was in a tiny box for the the first 3 quarters not moving around very much and still couldn’t find the correct pitch. 

I am not a prude and I love weird or crazy Eurovision staging most of the time but the costuming and the set, dressed to look like some kind of dirty (literally unclean) men's locker room, made the whole performance look seedy and grimy. The dancers were phenomenal dancers and they committed, whole-heartedly, to the choreographer's vision but somebody should have told the choreographer and set designer to rein it in. I like Olly Alexander and desperately wanted him to step it up in the final but it just didn’t happen. The dancer's out-danced him and he never matched their energy in any way shape or form. Did the performance deserve nul points from the public vote? Absolutely! It was a cheap and poorly presented offering that had nothing that would make anyone want to pick up the phone to vote for them. And they didn’t. I honestly don’t know how we managed to get 46 points from the juries.

 

But, to all those shouting at this post that Europe hates us and we’ll never do well in Eurovision again it’s just not true. Well, it is true Europe hates us but Sam Ryder came 2nd two years ago because, despite Europe’s hatred of the UK, they appreciate a great song and a great singer and Sam had the magic combination that year. I've posted a link to his performance below (I'm not going to post this year's) so you can see what a good Eurovision performance looks like. He didn’t have to rely on crazy staging, he just sang a great song and was rewarded for it.

If we are to continue in this circus of a competition, and I hope we do because I LOVE Eurovision with a passion, we have to send better songs written by songwriters who know what they are doing and how to construct a winning song. 

 

Unless the powers that be want us to lose (which is possible/probable), we have to stop with the lazy writing and send singers who can step up to the mark and perform like their life depends on it in front of millions of people. Until we do that we will never win and people will keep deluding themselves that it’s because Europe hates us! 

 

An Incompetent stream of consciousness.....Nothing new there then!

Ooh things were going so well back in January. A couple of posts in quick succession and then I completely neglected you. Until now.

I am not going to promise to post next week or even more often as it doesn't work. I obviously don't really care about accountability plus, being, a woman of a certain age, going through the thing most women my age go through, I can not commit to anyone other than myself right now. Sometimes I can't even commit to myself (if that makes any sense. It does to me). What I will say is I will post again but I will not commit to a time line!

So what shall we talk about today? I actually don't know but I knew I wanted to write something and, as that feeling is almost non-existent these days, thought I would just start before the feeling disappeared again.

It is the end of the Easter holidays. Back to work tomorrow. That's fine. I actually had a pretty good holiday apart from a couple of days in self-isolation because of Covid (I wasn't ill with it but I had it and did my moral duty and stayed away from people) and then I had a small spell of vertigo yesterday which was particularly annoying as I LOVE a Saturday off and was planning to make the most of it but instead had to spend the day in bed sleeping and binge watching stuff on Prime and the like. 

I am coming into my busiest term. Normally the summer term is the easiest but the theatre school I teach at has it's big show in June and my choir has 2 big concerts planned/booked this term. I normally put the choir concerts on after the school term has finished but no, not this time, I thought I would give myself a ridiculous amount to do this year and get everything done and dusted before the schools break up. It's either a brilliant move or a crazy one. I'll tell you which it was mid-July.

Although I am still a little lazy and lacking in motivation, I am definitely better than I was. I am slightly better prepared for everything I have going on and no longer constantly tired. I still get tired but not to the point that I can't do anything.

I turned 49 a couple of weeks ago and have decided that I am going to write a list (not a bucket list per se, although I suppose it is a bucket list for the end of my 40s) of things I want to do before I'm 50. I haven't gotten around to it yet but I will start writing it when I've finished with you.

When I was 39 I decided I wanted to get fit as I wanted to be as healthy as I possibly could be in order to live well for longer in life. I definitely got fitter but fell off the wagon at about 46 for a while. I got back on the horse and am trying to regain a little of what I have lost, fitness wise, over the past 3 years so getting fitter can definitely go on my "Farewell to my 40s" list. 

I have absolutely NO idea what I want to achieve over the next year but I want to achieve something. I don't want to do anything too crazy. I don't want to skydive or go to America or anything like that. I don't even have aspirations to own property anymore as that is nigh on impossible now. Given my time again I would have bought something back in 2003/4 when I had the most well-paid job of my career and probably would have got some sort of mortgage but now it really ain't going to happen unless I save up enough to buy something outright or win the lottery. 

I think my list will be full of practical, sensible things but it might be nice to include a couple of silly things I would still like to do but my brain fog is making it hard to bring them to the forefront of my mind right now. Perhaps a bit of meditation would help. I tried meditation a few years ago but these days I have to multitask whilst doing everything these days. Actually, having said that, I am writing this with no distractions whatsoever. No radio, no TV nothing. Just writing. That hardly ever happens!

I have nothing more to say right now so I'm going to love you and leave you. But I will leave you with 2 things. The first is a link to my Enlightened Singer blog. Click here to be redirected there and also click here to come and join the Enlightened Singer Facebook group. You would be very welcome. In addition below is a video I uploaded to YouTube. I just completed another 12 weeks on The Sing Space 16 Bar Challenge. This song, Parents Lie from Freaky Friday, was the last song we were given and it was one of my faves. Pop over to Instagram and follow The Incompetent Soprano there, again, you would be very welcome or follow me on YouTube.

Until next time, whenever that might be, enjoy!

You did what???....don't get too excited

I wanted to tell you about this at 9am this morning (it's now 4.15pm) but I have spent the whole day being productive. I really haven't stopped ALL DAY! 

I am now going to bore you with the ins and outs of my morning and how I managed to get a bit of motivation. Whether you want to hear about it or not!

So, this morning I woke up at about 7am. I got up, made a coffee and went back to bed to waste a bit of time on soshul meeja. At about 7.30 I suddenly had the urge to get up and go for a walk. Something like this vary rarely happens in the morning so I didn't think, I just got up, got dressed, put my headphones in my ears and chose a podcast to accompany my walk. 

It wasn't a sunny morning but it wasn't raining and wasn't too cold so conditions were definitely acceptable. I only walked for half an hour but I did it. I can't guarantee it will happen again but I hope it does as I ended up getting so many little bits and pieces done upon my return. I still have a to-do list as long as your arm but I did a couple of things I've been putting off so that felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted.

The podcast I listened to wasn't technically a podcast, it was more of an audio masterclass or a webinar without pictures. It was led by Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love, and was called "Creative Living Beyond Fear". Not a title I would normally be excited by but I was in such a rush to get out on my walk that I picked it quickly. I'm glad I listened, though, as she really had some pearls of wisdom. I won't give away all her secrets as I listened to it on the Calm app and it's summat you have to pay for. However, I will tell you one thing she said.

I am constantly moaning about how little spare time I have. I really want to write and record an online course but I keep finding anything else to do rather than work on it. In a nutshell one thing somebody said to Elizabeth in her 20s was that in order to make time for her passion (writing, in her case) she would not only have to say no to the things she didn't really want to do but also say no to the things she did. 

I don't DO a lot of stuff other than work but there is nothing I like more than plonking myself down on the sofa and watching TV until my eyes go square so perhaps I need to be tougher on myself and not allow myself to watch as much TV and I DEFINITELY need to get off my phone as it is permanently fixed to my hand right now. 

So that's as near to a New Years Resolution I will get this year but I am going to attempt to halve the time I spend looking at screens and I'm also going to try and go for a walk early in the morning whenever the urge comes upon me again!

All I want for Christmas is motivation!

It’s been a while hasn’t it? As we approach the New Year it, as always, I am thinking about making New Years resolutions. I don’t often keep them and by the end of January I am beating myself up for not having more willpower. So perhaps this time I should just not make any and resolve to work on my battle with procrastination instead.

If you are an avid reader of this diary you will know that it has been suggested to me that I may be suffering from ADHD and this is why I have no motivation, can not concentrate on one task at a time and avoid doing the important things. However, I refuse to jump on the bandwagon. The world and his wife has some sort of attention deficit disorder (with or without the hyperactivity) but I think that’s life right now. I am in no way trying to say that if you have ADHD you should not seek help for it, you absolutely should, I just know I need to deal with whatever is going on myself.

To be perfectly honest, I think most of my problems stem from perimenopause rather than ADHD but I’m not going to discuss that right now. I will save that for another post. So what do I do about my lack of motivation? There are some aspects of my life that do not suffer because of a lack of motivation. I am always motivated when it comes to one part of my work life and that is my choir, Songsations. I say MY choir, yes I set it up and I run it as a one-man-band but I feel it belongs as much to the ladies who join it now as it does to me. We have just broken up for Christmas and did a number of really successful concerts over the past few weeks. I take a small amount of credit for how good they are but the majority of the credit has to go to the members and their commitment (although I must say it’s been a tough term with illness and the crazy cold spell we just went through).

I think the reason I am motivated to do the work for the choir is that they are also motivated and we keep each other going. Other aspects of my work life are not quite as straightforward. My private teaching relies heavily on the motivation of the student I’m teaching. Of course, I recognise that my job is to help people improve their singing, grow their confidence and enjoy the time they are paying for and I think I’m pretty good at delivering this but it can be very hard when people come for a lesson with no idea what they want to sing or work on in a lesson. I do find teaching quite draining these days and am thinking that I perhaps need to cut down on the amount I’m doing but we’ll see how 2023 pans out first.

The other aspect of my working life that needs looking at is my own singing. I haven’t really done much with my own singing recently, apart from the 16 Bar Challenge I did with The Sing Space a couple of months ago. I had to record 12 videos over 12 weeks and upload them to a private Facebook group, each week having a different genre to explore. I really enjoyed this until I realised there was going to be a “winner” picked for each category and I did not “win” any of them. This threw me into a proper downward spiral and started I started doubting my ability and decided I would never sing in public or on a video ever again. I am over this now and am about to embark upon another 16 Bar Challenge in the new year so, unfortunately for you, there will be more of my singing coming your way in the new year and, to be honest, I don’t really care what anyone thinks. At nearly 50 I am determined to only do things that make me happy and it won’t matter to me what anybody thinks of me or if I “win” any competitions.

I have come to realise that I do not have a fear of failure but, rather, a fear of success. I feel like I hold myself back because I like routine and I don’t like doing anything that takes me out of my comfort zone. I think this is why I never really lose weight. I put on about 3 stone over the last couple of years but have got back down to the weight I was before lockdown was a regularly used word in our vocabularies but I know I won’t lose any more unless I change my mindset. I tend to keep myself at a particular weight and never really deviate from that. I think this is because, if I lose weight, more opportunities will open up to me because I will feel happier in my own skin and not so fat and unattractive. I don’t really like travelling far from my flat and avoid doing anything out of the ordinary that I have no control over. I think this is why I feel I am stagnating, because I have visions and ideas to do new things but that annoying little voice in my head tells me to get over myself and stop thinking I deserve anything more than I have. THIS is the thing that needs work in 2023!

So that’s where I am, going into 2023. I hope you have all had a good 2022 or if you haven’t you are looking forward to the implied clean slate we all get going into the new year. I am determined to bother you with more posts in 2023 than I produced in 2022 but I promise to write some lighter, happier drivel in the coming weeks as I think we all need cheering up, especially me!

Feel free to comment or start a discussion below or on my Incompetent Soprano Facebook page. In the meantime, Merry Christmas and have this:

Blowing my own trumpet....not my favourite thing to do!

I must apologise for not posting as regularly as I had promised. A lot has happened over the last few weeks. I went back to the teaching day job, the Queen passed and I got Covid so it was all a bit much and I didn't feel like doing anything. Of course some of you will be thrilled to not be bothered by me for so long, unfortunately for you I am back to be my normal bothersome self again!

Having said that, I can't seem to shake my tiredness. I am writing this on my day off and it is all I can do to keep my eyes open at 1.30 in the afternoon! A nanna nap might be the ticket right now but not until I've finished this!

I think I mentioned this in a previous post, for the past 11 weeks I have been taking part in a challenge set by The Sing Space. Every week they choose a musical genre and give us 2 songs to choose from. We then record and upload one song to the challenge Facebook group. It's a way of updating your repertoire folder with specially cut versions of songs you could use whatever genre of musical/show/audition is required. There are 12 videos in total. Next week is the final week, Disney villains! I'm hoping for a bit of Ursula but we'll see.

I decided to take part because I have very few places or opportunities to sing for myself anymore. I have posted the videos to my Instagram @incompetentsoprano and I am also in the process of adding them to my YouTube channel. If you'd like to follow my YouTube channel just click here and subscribe.

In the meantime here is the first of my 16 Bar Challenge videos for your perusal. They aren't in the order I recorded them but thought I'd start with one of my faves, Before The Parade Passes By from Hello Dolly. Enjoy and come and follow me on Instagram and YouTube!

Positive self affirmations? Shmositive shelf shaffirmations....you get the idea.

Last week we talked about owning your voice (I'm actually doing a little workshop on Wednesday 31st August, 12pm in The Enlightened Singer on Facebook on this subject if you fancy joining us. Click here to go join the group) but I have been thinking a bit about self esteem in general this week.

So, I have always, well in the past, had pretty low self esteem. I used to think I was a pretty horrible person, not sure why, but I did. However, not sure what happened recently but I now think I'm OK. I'm not a horrible person. I'm friendly, I'm supportive, I'm.... can't think of anything else without this turning into some sort of positive affirmation post.

It's not one of those posts, don't worry. If you follow my Facebook page you will have seen I have been posting more than usual. Live videos and some videos of me singing for a challenge I'm doing with The Sing Space at the moment. For some reason I've been feeling a little more content recently. Perhaps it's because I'm on my summer break (although that is over in 6 days 😢) and I've had more time to do whatever I want. Anyway, this feeling of contentment has lead me to a boost in self confidence and I decided to share my challenge videos with you lovely lot on the Incompetent Soprano Facebook and Instagram pages. 

Of course I can't help thinking people will think I'm being self indulgent and blowing my own trumpet but, the simple fact is, my pages are my pages and if someone doesn't like it, or me, they can choose not to follow me anymore. We really shouldn't chase likes and follows on social media. It all means nothing really. It's not real, nobody really shows their true selves on social media. We all try to make out we have wonderful, perfect lives when the reality is, often, far from wonderful and perfect. 

As I said though, I'm feeling pretty content and am also feeling like I don't mind so much what anybody thinks about me. I'm sure this feeling will change and evolve and I will have days where the whole world is against me but I think it's important to note things like this when we're feeling content and confident. I'm going to post what I want, when I want on my social media and I don't care if everyone tuts and rolls their eyes, it's my social media profile to do with what I want!

In the immortal words of Lady Gaga, "Baby I was born this way!"

This is a sneak preview of a post I wrote for The Enlightened Singer. Further down this post you will find details of how to join the private Facebook group. Come and join us!

Although I still do try to do my own singing I spend most of my life these days helping others find their voice. This is through private singing lessons, group lessons and through my work with my 4 choirs (yes, somehow I now run 4 choirs). One thing I find, from the people I teach is, almost everyone wants something they don't have.

I include myself in this. Some people want to be able to sing higher, some lower, some more sweetly, some more belty etc... However, over my many, many years of singing I have learnt to love the voice I have and work with what I've got. Of course I always strive for more but I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. The sooner you accept the voice you have the easier it is to start improving it as you won't then be chasing a voice you can NEVER have.

Of course this doesn't mean we give up on our "dreams" it just means with acceptance comes clarity (sorry, didn't mean to make up an inspirational quote there). Once we are clear as to the kind of voice we have, and what it is capable of, we can work on making the changes that are possible for our individual sound, if we actually need to make changes.

This doesn't mean we don't need singing teachers and coaches, we do. Another pair of ears listening to us is very important as the sound we hear in our own ears/head is not the sound everyone else hears. A singing teacher or vocal coach can help you realise that the way we feel when we sing is as, if not more, important as how it sounds to us.

A big thing I find when listening to the singers I teach is many do not realise that we sing with more than just our larynx. In order to make the best sound we can our whole body needs to get involved. With this in mind many things can be "fixed" with our voices by working on our breathing. We will cover this in a bit more detail in a later blog post. 

For now I have a little task for you. I want you to pick a song. It can be anything but needs to be something you know really well, Happy Birthday would suffice. I want you to close your eyes and hum it but I want you to take your time over every phrase, no rushing! How does the sound feel in  your body? Try not to think about the sound just enjoy the sensations. That is all you have to do to start with. There will be an accompanying video to go with this so don't worry if this sounds like gobbledegook right now.

In order to see the aforementioned video go to The Enlightened Singer on Facebook and join the group so you can join me live on Wednesday 31st August (I'll let you know the time a couple of days before). I hope you don't mind me digressing from the usual type of post I put on here but they do say, variety is the spice of life! 

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin....

At the moment I am trying to build a new Facebook group called The Enlightened Singer (I think I've mentioned it before) and tomorrow there is a new blog post due out all about getting out of your comfort zone. This is not a carbon copy of that blog post so you could still read the other blog as well and I won't just be repeating myself, I promise!

I have been thinking about my comfort zone quite a lot recently. I don't push myself out of it very often. I am a big fan of routine and could really do with changing things up a little. I touched on this last week when talking about Olivia Newton John and how, in the words of Stephen King in The Shawshank Redemption, we should "get busy living or get busy dying" or words to that effect.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being comfortable but it could lead to a rather mundane and boring life if you're not careful. It's difficult to learn new things/skills as we get older. Our brains are not the sponges they were when we were children BUT that is not a reason not to try new experiences or walk down a different path once in a while.

I am really trying to curb my Netflix/Amazon/SkyGo addiction so that I can spend my free time doing something more practical and interesting rather than just watching box sets about unreal life and, for the most part, depressing myself. I just finished watching the entire 4 seasons of The Handmaid's Tale and I haven't been as depressed about the state of the world since I read George Orwell's 1984 but both are not real! They may turn out to be more real than we think and yes, there are elements pertinent to the world and they do, in some part, reflect life as we know it right now but there is no reason for me to get depressed thinking that I will end up like any of the people in those stories.

But I digress, a few years ago I read a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. On the front cover it is described as "A course in discovering and recovering your creative self". There are many tasks you have to undertake along with daily journaling. One other thing she suggests is an "artist date". This is time you put aside for yourself every week aimed at nurturing your creative consciousness and your inner artist (whatever artist means to you - painter, writer, singer, dancer, actor etc...). So this could be a trip to a museum, a trip to the theatre/cinema, a dance class, a cookery class, anything that gives your inner artist a bit of inspiration or satisfaction. You go on this "date" alone. You don't take anyone but yourself with you and you just absorb something new. I used to do this religiously but haven't for quite a while now so I'm thinking it might be time to reintroduce this into my schedule.

Why don't you (as the old TV programme used to tell those of us of a certain age) just turn off your television set and go out and do something less boring instead! Take yourself out on an "artist's date". Do something different, something you don't often do, something you've never done or something you've been meaning to do. Something that might just push you ever so slightly out of your comfort zone. 

Why not let us know what you did by commenting on the post or on the Incompetent Soprano page on Facebook. Your activity might just inspire someone else and, as the toddlers say, sharing is caring!

PS If you want to join The Enlightened Singer just click here.

Life is short and I'll miss you Olivia!

So this year is shaping up to be a repeat of 2016. In 2016 we lost Victoria Wood, George Michael, Alan Rickman, David Bowie and Prince to name but a few. So far in 2022 we have lost the likes of Barry Cryer, Leonard Fenton (Doctor Legg from Eastenders), Lynda Baron, June Brown, Bernard Cribbins and Nichelle Nichols. On Monday Olivia Newton-John was a sad addition to this years list. This is not meant to be a sad post (although I am VERY sad about Olivia), it just got me thinking about how much time I waste doing meaningless things such as binge watching box sets on Netflix and eating far too much all day, every day. Something really needs to change before it's too late.

Don't get me wrong, binge watching box sets on Netflix should not be forbidden BUT it should not be an everyday occurrence and I would love to live by the mantra "Eat to live, don't live to eat". I had already been trying to do something about the amount of time I waste and the amount of food I eat but the news of Olivia Newton-John's passing has caused me to strengthen my resolve and double down on making something more of my life!

To be fair I don't want much out of life. I would like to be happy (I am, but I think I could be happier), I would like to be more tolerant (of all sorts of people and things), I would like to encourage more ladies to join my four choirs because singing is good for the soul, but one thing a definitely want to do is have no regrets about my own singing. 

I stopped performing professionally back in 2015. I didn't intend for Oliver! in Frinton-on-Sea to be my last show but, thus far, this is the case. I am not too sad about this being the last full length musical I ever do as it was one of my favourite jobs (Jerry Springer: The Opera was my absolute fave!) but I don't want to stop singing, for myself, all together. I still sing when teaching the choirs their songs but this is not the same as getting up and singing for an audience. 

Funnily enough I had only been talking about planning new cabarets with a couple of friends earlier today so the news we got today telling us that Sandy from Grease and Kira from Xanadu (my personal favourite ONJ film!) had died has made me think deeply about the fact that life really is very short and should be grabbed with both hands before it's too late.

So, I intend to live as positively as I possibly can and spend more time doing the things I enjoy doing the most (singing) and not spend every bit of spare time I have binge watching nonsense and eating reconstituted potato snacks that are no good for me. This is going to be hard but, I am now ever so determined!

Magic - Olivia Newton John

A change is as good as a rest......umm no, a rest is much better!

I realise I have not been particularly prolific on here of late and I think this is for a number of reasons. Or rather, it could be for one of many reasons but I can't work out which. 

We are approaching the end of another school year. I have no children but all of my business endeavours revolve around the school timetable. This means I am constantly waiting for the school holidays so that I can do nothing for a week or two (or six in the summer). I don't really like this feeling, I would love to have a little more freedom.

My fatigue is a little out of hand right now and I have a very busy 3 weeks ahead which is quite daunting. I've talked about my loss of mojo before and I have, recently (or for the past 3 years or so) put this down to being perimenopausal but I'm not so sure anymore. One of you lovely readers got in touch to ask if I thought I may have ADHD. I shrugged this off, thinking it seems very fashionable for adults to suddenly be diagnosed with ADHD and so I didn't really take this suggestion seriously. I can't be bothered to do anything about this (which I have read is a classic ADHD symptom) and really want to try and locate my mojo without medical intervention. 

Of course this means that I am probably going to procrastinate like crazy and do nothing for 3 weeks until I am finally on my summer break but this is probably precisely what I shouldn't do. Therefore, in an effort to find a little more energy I have decided to make one small change that I am hoping will help.

During lockdown I had got myself into the habit of going for a daily walk, as we couldn't really do much else and then, once we were allowed to go everywhere again, I went nowhere! So I have reintroduced the daily walk. I have set myself a goal of, at least, 5000 steps per day and I have everything crossed that I will see a change in my energy levels because of it. I know I need to do more than this and perhaps I should be seeing a doctor to check all is well but I've never liked making a fuss about stuff so don't want to waste anyone's time.

Hopefully I will have something more interesting to tell you next time I write as I am getting completely bored with myself so can only imagine how you feel reading this. In the meantime take care of yourselves and I'll be in touch again soon!

Starting here, starting now!

Well, for a change, I did what I said I would do. You may, or may not, remember I said I was working on a new song in my last post (click here to read it if you missed it). So I learnt the song and I recorded the song and now I'm on the hunt for more songs.

It's not perfect but I thought a work in progress type video would be good enough for now. It still needs a bit more work but it shows me, as well as everyone else, that it is worth working on. It has been a while since I have wanted to learn a new song so I am hoping this is the start of a trend.

I have a working title for a new cabaret set, "Boys, Boys, Boys" (like the Sabrina song from the 80s) and I have been putting together a list of possible songs. I don't know if I will ever find a home for this new set but if I can get my act together (pun intended) I might actually manage to put myself out there before the end of the year. 

Having said that, things are busy at Claire Platt - Singing Teacher HQ and Songsations HQ so I have to work out how to use my time economically so I still have time for my own stuff. I have started scheduling my time a little better already. I teach for a dance school and those times are set in stone so I have tried to set aside certain times for my private singing lessons rather than working around other people's schedules. This means I can also schedule time every week to work on Boys, Boys, Boys (pun also intended). Fingers crossed this all works. 

I have never been particularly good at using my time efficiently. I am a fly by the seats of my pants kind of girl. All my essays at university were done the night before they were due in. Except one that I worked really hard on over a couple of weeks and got an A for. It's just a shame I didn't learn from that! I am determined to use all of my time productively from now on. Of course I also need to schedule time for watching shit on Netflix. That's very important.

So if you want to have a gander at what I've been up to, the video is below (if the video doesn't show up click the link instead). https://youtu.be/4TSQjtcqJ-g

Shall we just get on with it now?

Well, well, well it's the summer holidays so everything gets a little more manageable for a few weeks but, as always, I am plagued by procrastination. Well I say that, I watched a webinar (standard) that included some techniques to get over the procrastination thing. Funnily enough I had already decided that I was going to split my to-do list up into smaller chunks in order to be able to tick more things off which is one of the techniques. It always feels good to tick things off a to-do list.

Changing the subject very abruptly, Facebook has been throwing up more "memories" than it ever used to recently. Has anyone else noticed that? Anyway, last week I was reminded about the very first cabaret set I did at The Pheasantry in Chelsea back in 2014. It was, by a country mile, the best thing I had ever done on a stage (possibly off-stage too) and really made me re-evaluate what I'm doing with my worklife.

I know I have a little more time as I gave up one of my regular jobs. I originally gave this job up in order to give more time to my choir, Songsations, but my thoughts have changed where that is concerned as well. The choir is going to be a fun project. Great if it brings in a few pennies but I think it's time to try and start making a living doing what I actually trained to do and go back to performing.

I know I don't want to do big shows like Phantom again but I definitely want to sing again, on a stage, in front of people. It will take a bit of time to get things organised but I have started putting things together for a new cabaret set PLUS I have started to learn a new song. A song that I will sing AND play the piano for. I am still a dreadful pianist but I am far better than I was before I started teaching singing. I will record the new song for you, not when it's perfect (as I have learnt perfection is unattainable) but when I can get through it without making too many mistakes.

One thing I do find, now that I'm a bit older, is that I have a brain like a sieve. I can't remember lyrics nearly as well as I could BUT the good thing about doing cabaret rather than musicals is it really doesn't matter if I go wrong so the pressure is less when contemplating putting a cabaret together. 

For the first time in a very, very long time I am excited about MY singing again. I don't feel the need to live vicariously through my students anymore as I AM going to do something about it and put myself out there again!

In the meantime, here's a little reminder, for you and for me, of what I CAN do (Ooh there might be one sweary word in this!). If you can't see the video below, click here!

Accountability not acceptance

Ooh it's been a while hasn't it. This post is going to rake over old ground, I don't apologise for that, but you might want to give it a miss if you're fed up of reading what could be construed as negativity. There is a lot going on at the moment, some of which I can't talk about here as it's not my place (sorry to be mysterious), and I am still having a problem with motivation (no change there). I started a journaling challenge and it's already thrown up a few things that need to be addressed quite urgently. 

I have done a lot of journaling in the past but haven't recently. I don't know if it really does anything helpful so could be a big old waste of my time. Having said that it can't be more of a waste of my time than all the Netflix binging I've been doing recently (Below Deck was a particular low point). I've talked quite a bit in the past about my laziness and inability to motivate myself to exercise. I have kept up my New Year's resolution to move for, at least, 10 minutes a day so that's good but I have realised that I have regained all the weight I lost when I joined a gym 8 years ago. I am back to square one and really don't think I can do it again.

I did do my 10,000 steps yesterday but I need to do that everyday and, to be honest, walking is not nearly enough. It's great but it does not cut it. I don't know why I'm avoiding. I sometimes wonder if I am comfortable in, what I see as, my chubby shell. Nobody pays me much attention in life and maybe that actually feels easier. I travel through life slightly under the radar. I rarely put my hand up to answer questions or join conversations. I sit on the sidelines. 

I digress. Well I say that, I am not certain where I want to go with this post, I just know I want to write something. Perhaps it's an extension of the journaling thing. There are many ways to go about journaling but the way I tend to do it is to treat it more like a mind dump. I just write and don't stop for a couple of pages. I write everything down that comes to mind no matter how ridiculous or banal. It is not for someone else to read so it doesn't matter what you write. The idea is to dump all the crap that is in your head so that you have room to think about the things that matter or allow space for working on projects you have on the go.

The thing that is worrying me right now is that I just sit on my sofa thinking but not doing. This might be a weird thing to say but I am really not very intelligent and don't understand things like tax, GDPR, websites, technology. I love being self employed and love making my own work but there are SO many other aspects to running a business that I just don't understand and end up like an ostrich with my head buried in the sand. This is why I can't seem to grow my singing teacher business or my choirs.

I don't want to accept this as my life though. I want more, I want to be excited by the things I do in my life. Many of us are in the same boat and have lost our mojo because of this damn pandemic. In March 2020 I was just getting my head around things and the choirs, in particular, were getting bigger and I was getting more confident running them but Covid has decimated the choirs and, even now, as things are starting to open up again, my singers aren't coming back and I am not sure I can ever get it back to where it was. 

I am taking part in a "Quantum Manifesting Challenge" this week and I am watching a webinar as I write this (I REALLY have to stop multitasking. This is the root of my problems I reckon). The woman running it has just asked, regarding your business, do you feel like you are swimming in soup, swimming in water or flying through the air? I am DEFINITELY swimming in very thick soup right now.

I know only I can change things. I have to stop thinking I can't do things or understand everything. I have always had trouble with waiting or standing still. I can NOT bear traffic jams. They freak me out. If I am reading a book I have to read it fast or I give up and I find it very hard to concentrate on one thing at a time. I have documents and books to read explaining all the things I don't think I can understand but I am constantly overwhelmed and can't bring myself to even start reading them. I have a pile of books on singing to read but I am too overwhelmed to start reading them. I am forever saying I haven't got time to do things and, instead of getting on with what I can get done, I go and sit on my sofa and stare into space for hours at a time.

I know it doesn't have to be like this. I am accountable and I do not have to accept that this is all life is. I really didn't know what I wanted this post to be when I started, but I feel like writing this might help me feel some accountability and might push me to do SOMETHING. Not everything but something. I think I will start with a walk.

PS In the name of accountability I am sharing the photo below. This was taken on Sunday. I am 3 sizes bigger and 3 stones heavier than I was 2 years ago. I would love to post a photo in 6 months time that shows I have improved my fitness (I'll probably forget because of brain fog - that's the other problem right now). We'll see!

Oh for the tech skills of a 6 year old!

I’ve had a pretty good couple of weeks. Nothing of much note has actually happened but I’m feeling more positive and motivated right now. I even just hoovered my flat and put a load of washing on so things must be looking up. I put it down to the fact that I have been getting out for my self-prescribed 10 minutes of daily exercise. As I think I mentioned, I made a few resolutions at the beginning of January, one of which was exercise every day for at least 10 minutes. I have slowly got my step count up to an average of 7000 per day, helped by listening to podcasts whilst walking.

Evidence I went for a walk!

I’m not writing this to gloat, particularly as it’s really not worth gloating about, but the motivation thing has been a problem for me for years now so any glimmer of hope that I am coming out of a funk is worth talking about just for myself (I apologise that you have to endure a post about it though, I really do). 

I still feel like I’m in limbo right now, as we are still in lockdown, and making big changes is probably not a great idea right now. However, I don’t think I need to make BIG changes anymore. Little changes to my mind set and getting up a little earlier in order to get more done will do for now methinks.

Don’t misunderstand, I still find myself sitting on my sofa staring into space for quite lengthy periods but I have noticed a definite increase in productivity. I mentioned my new venture  The 60 Second Singer on Instagram in my last post and I’ve already put out 6 videos. It could be construed as a bit of a vanity project but there are other reasons, other than showing off, I have for taking on this project.

Life has really changed in the past 20 years and the need for being somewhat tech savvy has grown exponentially. I’m not a total dunce when it comes to technology but my 6 year nephew probably knows more than I do. The reason I started The 60 Second Singer was twofold really. I wanted to hone my skills in producing videos and I also wanted to get more comfortable in front of a camera.

I have wonky teeth that I have been hugely self conscious about since I was a teenager but, unfortunately, I also used to have a real, deep seated fear of the dentist. I stopped going to the dentist when I was 16 and was almost 30 before I finally plucked up the courage to go again. Although I would love to have my teeth “fixed” I don’t have the time, or the money, to do it so I figured the only thing I could do was to start putting myself out there in video form in order to get over my self-hatred of my gnashers and other bits.

I am OBSESSED by other people’s teeth. When I watch tv or films, anything on a screen, I spend ages studying the teeth I see on the screen and constantly compare myself to them. I never measure up. I could just about cope with my wonkiness until about two years ago when one of my front teeth shifted and became even wonkier. So now is the time to make myself get comfortable with them. 

The videos I have been making are definitely helping but there’s a way to go yet. I just hope I can get better at them over time. So if you “follow” The 60 Second Singer please bear with me as I try to exceed the editing skills of my 6 year old nephew. The video below is from The 60 Second Singer so you can see what I've been up to, just don't look at my teeth!

Click here to see the video on Instagram

Burn (out), Baby Burn(out)!

I had started writing this post before Christmas as I was feeling a little like I couldn't cope anymore. Yet here we are in 2021 and I feel very different. 

I had an interesting Christmas, on my own down South and as I said in my last post, Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow I quite enjoyed the peace and quiet. The 3 weeks or so I had to myself was invaluable but I am now feeling a little restless. I know we probably shouldn't make any big life changes right now but something has to change, I think.

I had been feeling overwhelmed and like I needed the world to stop (pretty sure I'm not alone there) but now I feel overwhelmed in a different way. My energy levels are up thanks to the daily walks but my head is spinning with ideas but I don't feel I have a way to see the ideas through to fruition.

Does anyone else feel like we have far too much time to think? I suppose that question is aimed at the other singletons really as those of you with families, I imagine, have PLENTY to keep you occupied right now. It might not be things you want to be occupied with but your brain space is occupied nonetheless. I am having trouble catching my thoughts at the moment. I have loads of ideas but the second I start working on one idea another idea muscles in and tries to take over the part of my brain that is trying to sort out the original idea. This ultimately ends with me giving up and binge-watching summat on Netflix (other streaming sites are available). 

This is not a moaning post at all. It's more frustration. I have such friendly envy for all those people who are making things happen during this crazy time and just wish I could make things happen the way they do. I have started a couple of things but I am not able to get them out there so enough people see them. I have attended webinars galore on marketing and social media use but still can't seem to get the 1000 subscribers they say I should be able to get from watching their webinars. I'm not naive. I know watching a webinar isn't going to change things but it should be a start. Anyway, I'm sure something will click in to place eventually.

I'm not looking to be famous or a millionaire but I would like to pay my bills without worrying about how (wouldn't we all). But it's not even only about money, it's about feeling useful. I don't always feel useful. 

Well, I'm going to wrap it up there and leave you with of a pic of me looking like a snowman during my walk yesterday. Oh and if you don't mind, could you visit my new Instagram venture, The 60 Second Singer and give the page a follow? I'll be posting videos with little singing tips, tricks, techniques not longer than 60 seconds, hence the name. I really want to build this one into something, not sure what, yet, but definitely something.

Dizzy! My head is spinning.....

Is anyone else binging on webinars right now? It seems the world and his wife are trying to sell online courses right now and they way they hook you is by offering you a free "workshop" to be a part of, but really they just want you to buy their course. I have watched A LOT of these free workshops recently and actually signed up to one course. I squeezed every last bit out of the original lockdown* in the hope that I would have plenty to show for the last 6 months. 

<a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/multitasking">Multitasking Vectors by Vecteezy</a>

Unfortunately I have a very short attention span and end up multitasking whilst I do anything these days. I can’t seem to concentrate on one task alone. I start doing one thing and then try to do something else at the same time. Then I find my brain is overloaded and I need to go and binge watch something on Netflix (it’s Cobra Kai at the moment. It’s very, very bad but makes me feel very nostalgic for the 1980s). I am about to get on my exercise bike to do some much needed exercise (lockdown has not been kind to my waistline) but whilst I am peddling I am going to watch a 23 minute video on using iMovie and a 20 minute video about creating Canva vision boards (homework from a social media webinar - part 3 is on Friday).

I don't know if anyone else is feeling like this at the moment but I am constantly tired and constantly annoyed with myself for not doing anything. I have very little get up and go right now. I get up and go out when I have to but the rest of the time I tend to stay in doing very little telling myself I'll do more tomorrow. I don't and then get annoyed with myself for not doing anything and then get annoyed for getting annoyed at myself. I have a constant headache that I can not blame on coffee anymore as I gave it up at the beginning of lockdown and have, on average, one Costa coffee a week now. I know something has to change but I don't know what.

I need to move, I know that. I have a neighbour who does not enjoy my singing, the word "piercing" was used to describe it by her, therefore, I can't practice at home anymore. Moving in the Greater London area is easier said than done. I need a house with, at least, one room unattached to any neighbouring house so I can sing at home whenever I want. I have a room I can hire at my local church hall but, as the country opens up, and the line dancing and art classes start again, the hall is getting more bookings and it will only be a matter of time until they can not accommodate me anymore. 

I have always been prone to a touch of anxiety but I'm at a new level right now. Unfortunately/fortunately my anxiety manifests itself by me burying my head in the sand, much like an ostrich but without the fantastic legs. I have ideas galore swimming in my head but I do not have the wherewithal to put any new plans into action. I think this is, in part, due to my fear of failure. If I don't try I won't fail but nothing will ever change and I will remain in this perpetual state of stagnation. 

So, what do I do about this? The most important thing to come from this post is that SOMETHING has to change. I am not enjoying everything I do at the moment (although I know I am in a fantastic position right now. I earn enough to pay my rent and buy the odd bottle of Malbec so I KNOW I am very lucky right now). The problem is I am restless. I know what I don't want to do, or rather, what I want to give up but I just don't feel like changing things is the way to go right now. 

Am I wrong, though? Is now precisely the time to change things up? I feel like I am existing rather than living most of the time right now but perhaps this is the best anyone should hope for at the moment. Maybe I should sit tight, stop fretting and keep watching the webinars. They are certainly an excellent way to waste time and, you never know, I might find something I really want to do with the rest of my life that way.

*at the time of writing we have only had one full on lockdown in Croydon. If we have another I am not going to waste a second of it (I know that's a lie. I'll be binge watching something by the second day).

You can't teach an old dog new tricks....or can you?

So, a LOT has happened since I last wrote. Pretty much all of it beyond my control. It may surprise you to know I am unable to cure Covid-19, I wish I could, but was never my bag at school so curing a global pandemic would not be listed as one of my skills on my CV. I am, however, considering myself to be a professional tea drinker now. Has anyone else found themselves drowning in tea?

I must say the Lockdown that was imposed upon us in the UK has not been all bad for me. It began with me being ill for the first 2 weeks so that wasn't great. I quite possibly had Covid-19 but I didn't get a test so I don't know for sure. However, I didn't leave my flat for 14 days just in case. That was the worst bit I'd say. 

Once I had recovered, I then had to set about fathoming the online meeting platform that is Zoom in order to run singing lessons and my choir online as well as doing a few bits and pieces for myself. In an effort to keep the kids I teach interested in singing whilst on Zoom, I taught myself how to produce virtual choir videos. I am in no way a master of this but it is a new skill and one I would not have acquired were it not for Lockdown. My video editing skills have gone from very basic to just above basic. I feel like I actually have a hobby now! I don't have a garden, I don't have a great kitchen and though I had intended to read every book on singing going, I didn't. I have attended countless webinars and talks on singing but I am finding concentrating on actual reading to be very difficult right now so the video editing thing became a bit of an obsession. Other ways I have kept busy is by watching old Eurovision Song Contests with friends over Zoom and many, many online quizzes. I thoroughly recommend Steve M's Sunday Lockdown Quiz on Facebook (it will be online for a while yet so have a go).

My choir, Songsations, also moved online and I produced 4 virtual choir videos for them too. I have loved working with the choir online and many members of the choir have also enjoyed it. I think it was a bit of a lifeline for some of them. It definitely was for me. The online thing is something I'm going to continue in some capacity for both the choirs and one to one singing lessons. Online meeting platforms are essentially now the norm and will remain part of our lives long after we emerge from this, of that I am sure.

Although I saw my income drop by almost exactly 50% I am definitely one of the lucky ones. I have managed to keep my business going and been able to pay my rent. I know many people who have struggled. We have all been forced to think outside the box and find new ways to make a living. 

So, at the time of writing, August 2020, we are starting to return to our places of work and this adds a new level of pressure. Guidelines for singing, and whether it is safe to do so in the presence of other people, have been released and the consensus seems to be that one to one singing lessons can start again if you can deliver these lessons in a large well ventilated space. My second floor flat no longer cuts it, I fear, and I need to find somewhere else to teach. My downstairs neighbour will be thrilled about that. The hall where I run my choir is, fingers crossed, going to be the place for this from now on. We have to wear face coverings in this hall at the moment but I feel it's worth a go if it means I can be in the same room as my students.

That said, I am anxious about starting up again. Not because I'm scared but because nobody really knows what is going to happen once everything does open up again. Will we have a second wave, will I have to self-isolate because I was in a Caffé Nero for more than 15 minutes when another punter with Covid was there? Who knows! And that is the worry. This anxiousness is what is stopping me from starting my choir meeting in person right now. Although the "rules" seem to suggest we can start rehearsing together again it just doesn't feel right yet. The research carried out in the Perform study (ParticulatE Respiratory Matter to InForm Guidance for the Safe Distancing of PerfOrmeRs in a COVID-19 PandeMic - catchy) has concluded that singing is no more dangerous than speaking, however, it all comes down to volume. The louder we sing/speak the more aerosols and droplets are emitted. With that in mind I have taken the decision to keep the choir online for the foreseeable. The problem with this is about half of the members of my 2 choirs haven't tried a Zoom session and don't really want to start now, which is a shame, but an understandable one. It's not the same and, to be fair, some people just aren't able to join us online so this is in no way a criticism, just an observation. I may write another post about this, although, as I intimated at the beginning of this post, I am not a scientist.

So that's a quick overview of my choir and teaching shenanigans but what of my own singing? Well I was inspired for the first 3 months of Lockdown and then something happened that left me unable to sing at the flat anymore so I've taken a few steps backwards recently. I did manage to book a room in which to do some singing and record some new songs for the choir a couple of weeks ago. I had the whole place to myself and those 3 hours spent singing properly and fully were the best 3 hours I'd had since March. I even managed to record a video, to be included in my choirs "End Of Term" online concert, of me singing an actual song. I have the room booked to do more next week and I can not wait. 

So there we have it, in a nutshell. There is so much more to discuss but as I haven't posted since February you may well have collapsed due to the shock of me producing something for you to read. I'm quite disappointed in myself that I have had since March 23rd to write something for you and it has taken me until August 30th to actually post something. So as a little extra gift, from me to you, I thought I would share my little video with you here. Excuse my unbrushed hair and the fact I couldn't remember the words so had them up on my phone. To be fair it's a miracle I'm sharing anything right now!

PS The title of this post may seem a little familiar. It did to me. So I trawled my previous posts and found I had used a similar title before. I'm not going to change this posts title as I can't think of another but if you fancy reading the other post you'll find it here. Enjoy.

If you’re having trouble opening the video click here