Life is short and I'll miss you Olivia!

So this year is shaping up to be a repeat of 2016. In 2016 we lost Victoria Wood, George Michael, Alan Rickman, David Bowie and Prince to name but a few. So far in 2022 we have lost the likes of Barry Cryer, Leonard Fenton (Doctor Legg from Eastenders), Lynda Baron, June Brown, Bernard Cribbins and Nichelle Nichols. On Monday Olivia Newton-John was a sad addition to this years list. This is not meant to be a sad post (although I am VERY sad about Olivia), it just got me thinking about how much time I waste doing meaningless things such as binge watching box sets on Netflix and eating far too much all day, every day. Something really needs to change before it's too late.

Don't get me wrong, binge watching box sets on Netflix should not be forbidden BUT it should not be an everyday occurrence and I would love to live by the mantra "Eat to live, don't live to eat". I had already been trying to do something about the amount of time I waste and the amount of food I eat but the news of Olivia Newton-John's passing has caused me to strengthen my resolve and double down on making something more of my life!

To be fair I don't want much out of life. I would like to be happy (I am, but I think I could be happier), I would like to be more tolerant (of all sorts of people and things), I would like to encourage more ladies to join my four choirs because singing is good for the soul, but one thing a definitely want to do is have no regrets about my own singing. 

I stopped performing professionally back in 2015. I didn't intend for Oliver! in Frinton-on-Sea to be my last show but, thus far, this is the case. I am not too sad about this being the last full length musical I ever do as it was one of my favourite jobs (Jerry Springer: The Opera was my absolute fave!) but I don't want to stop singing, for myself, all together. I still sing when teaching the choirs their songs but this is not the same as getting up and singing for an audience. 

Funnily enough I had only been talking about planning new cabarets with a couple of friends earlier today so the news we got today telling us that Sandy from Grease and Kira from Xanadu (my personal favourite ONJ film!) had died has made me think deeply about the fact that life really is very short and should be grabbed with both hands before it's too late.

So, I intend to live as positively as I possibly can and spend more time doing the things I enjoy doing the most (singing) and not spend every bit of spare time I have binge watching nonsense and eating reconstituted potato snacks that are no good for me. This is going to be hard but, I am now ever so determined!

Magic - Olivia Newton John

Starting here, starting now!

Well, for a change, I did what I said I would do. You may, or may not, remember I said I was working on a new song in my last post (click here to read it if you missed it). So I learnt the song and I recorded the song and now I'm on the hunt for more songs.

It's not perfect but I thought a work in progress type video would be good enough for now. It still needs a bit more work but it shows me, as well as everyone else, that it is worth working on. It has been a while since I have wanted to learn a new song so I am hoping this is the start of a trend.

I have a working title for a new cabaret set, "Boys, Boys, Boys" (like the Sabrina song from the 80s) and I have been putting together a list of possible songs. I don't know if I will ever find a home for this new set but if I can get my act together (pun intended) I might actually manage to put myself out there before the end of the year. 

Having said that, things are busy at Claire Platt - Singing Teacher HQ and Songsations HQ so I have to work out how to use my time economically so I still have time for my own stuff. I have started scheduling my time a little better already. I teach for a dance school and those times are set in stone so I have tried to set aside certain times for my private singing lessons rather than working around other people's schedules. This means I can also schedule time every week to work on Boys, Boys, Boys (pun also intended). Fingers crossed this all works. 

I have never been particularly good at using my time efficiently. I am a fly by the seats of my pants kind of girl. All my essays at university were done the night before they were due in. Except one that I worked really hard on over a couple of weeks and got an A for. It's just a shame I didn't learn from that! I am determined to use all of my time productively from now on. Of course I also need to schedule time for watching shit on Netflix. That's very important.

So if you want to have a gander at what I've been up to, the video is below (if the video doesn't show up click the link instead). https://youtu.be/4TSQjtcqJ-g

Believe in yourself, they said.

So, I did a little gig on Sunday. Actually, there are no little gigs, it was simply a gig. Once again, I have not sung in public for a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time so I was a bit irrationally nervous. Small meltdown was experienced in the rehearsal but I pulled myself together and made myself get out on the stage.

It was a very mixed bag. First half was classical with a few operatic moments. I have not sung an aria in public since about 2005 so this was a little daunting. Rightly or wrongly I sang two arias I used to sing all the time so I wasn't sure I would still be able to sing them or if my voice might have moved on and left them behind. I think, think!, they were OK. the first was Quando m'en vo, Musetta's aria from "La Boheme". Not a role I would ever be cast as but it is a crowd pleaser and I knew I wouldn't forget the words. A bit like if I were ever called upon the sing Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go I would have no problem recalling the words. I can't say it brings me joy to sing Musetta, and, as we know if you read my last blog post, Tidy House, Tidy Mind, I am all about the joy. The second aria I sang was a whole other kettle of fish. 

Pamina's Ach Ich Fuhl's (apologies to my German friends, I can't add the umlaut to the u) from "The Magic Flute" was always in my operatic audition arsenal so of course I decided to include the most exposing aria (almost) ever written to reintroduce myself to the world operatically. That said, I didn't think about any of that when I sang it. I was never worried that it would go wrong and it didn't. I was poised and calm (apart from a slightly shaky leg) and my voice didn't waver. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I delivered the greatest ever rendition of this aria just that it was the best I have ever sung it as I did not let any of those niggling voices in my head anywhere near it and that is a new thing for me.

I feel I have turned a small corner (can corners be small?) as far as my confidence on stage goes. I was totally in the moment and could not be distracted by my own, usual, need to sabotage myself. I totally believed in myself and my ability. Thankfully this confidence oozed into the second half of the concert. Well some of it.

As it was a concert with a love theme (it was nearly Valentine's Day) I was forced to sing All I Ask of You from "The Phantom of the Opera". I had not sung it before and I hope never to sing it again. Not because I don't like it, it's not up there with my faves but it is pretty OK to sing, but because I just could not remember the words, and there weren't that many of them. I did, nonetheless, get to finally perform a song I always used to use for musical theatre auditions, when appropriate. Like Love from "Charlie Girl" is a bit of a party piece and, to be totally honest, I don't know why I don't sing it ALL the time. So, I thought I'd let you lot have a listen. I might pop a recording of the Pamina on here at some point but you'll have to make do with this for now!

PS Sorry about all the pics of me, just an attempt at making it more visually interesting.

Moving forward is reet hard....so let's look back for a bit longer.

So in my last diary entry I treated you all to a video of Stiles and Drewe's "Diva" which seemed to go down quite well with those who had a look. So I thought I would treat you to another. I think this might have a bit of chat beforehand so apologies if you are the gentleman I talk of in the clip. I still maintain, you were, and probably still are, a top bloke. You're intrigued now aren't you so I'd better unleash the video.

The little thumbnail pic is horrendous but that was the best of the three options they gave me and I am too tight to pay YouTube to let me find a better pic. If you have watched this and missed the last one you can still see it here. Just click on the word here (but not the one I just wrote, the one before).

I'm not going to bore you with anything else today. Enjoy my Victoria Wood homage (the song in the video is by her. I probably should have said that) and we will speak again soon.

By the way, I don't know if they work or not but feel free to make comments/suggestions below. I've got a thick(ish) skin, I can take it(ish).

Before we move forward, let's look back!....or some such nonsense.

So, I got myself back on the cabaret horse back in August following a very successful visit to Frinton-on-Sea to "star" as the Widow Corney in Oliver! Of course I thought my contribution to the production was massive (or at least important) until my landlady in Frinton came to see it and, during our debrief of the performance, said "You didn't have a very big part did you!". I could just tell that she had hoped to play host to Nancy or, at the very least, the Artful Dodger. Anyway, I brushed it off and left Frinton the next day telling myself "I am a good company member. My input counted" over and over again until my landlady's words had removed themselves from my psyche. So, I was back to London to prepare for a short cabaret set 4 days later.

This set was the start of, what I am hoping will be a brand new cabaret show all about the 80s. However I did start to think about the first cabaret show I did a couple of years ago and how I haven't really capitalized on it's potential yet. It has only had one outing and, although it was flawed, there was the bones of a fairly good show there. Unfortunately, as well as being incompetent I am, also, incredibly lazy.

Following the one and only performance of my first cabaret I was chatting to a friend about it. A very honest friend, who although she had enjoyed the show, had many points of constructive criticism to make. There were a few things that were rooky mistakes to do with staging that I knew I had done and knew I would not make again but the biggest conclusion we both came to was that there were many good "jokes" in there, I just hadn't quite found them yet. This all comes down to laziness but also to impatience. I would be rubbish at cross stitch or something else that took time to complete. That's why I like crocheting. You see results quickly and that's what I want when I write the material for my cabarets.

I'm even impatient when it comes to these blog posts, which is why they are always riddled with mistakes. I say my posts are edited by my sister but I haven't sent one to her to look over in ages because I am far too impatient to wait for her to check it before I post it. So, I MUST stop being so impetuous and take a bit of time to make sure things are hunky dory before I unleash them on an unsuspecting world.

Case in point, during my prep for my first cabaret I did a short set at The Pheasantry as part of Cabaret Confidential. I sang 5 songs that were including in the longer show when I finally got around to putting it together. One of the songs was Stiles and Drewe's "Diva", a song about a woman who can't sing in tune. I have perfected the art of singing out of tune but hadn't, completely, when I first performed it 2 years ago. See for yourself. This is the full version of the first attempt I made at singing out of tune and, for my money, it isn't quite out of tune enough.

I have performed it numerous times since and am much, much better at singing out of tune now. Who would have thought after all those years of training I would end up actively attempting to sing badly!

Anyway, this is the first of a few posts with clips from my past shows but I am hoping, if I can stem the laziness and the impatience in equal measure, I will have something new to offer soon.

  

Why can't life be one big summer holiday?...it doesn't have to involve Cliff Richard and a big red bus.

So, we are approaching the end of another summer holiday. In a weeks time I have to go back to the day job, back to teaching. However, my summer has been quite eventful actually. For a change.

I spent a beautiful couple of weeks in sunny (most of the time) Frinton-on-Sea playing the Widow Corney in Frinton Summer Theatre's production of "Oliver!" To say the show had 14 children in it, it was the most "grown-up show" I have ever been involved with. No divas, no tantrums, no sniping, no jealousy, no negativity (except one tiny moment from me that only the glorious director was privy to, and it was not on the scale of my usual meltdowns - I'll tell you about one of them later). The whole process was joyful and hugely satisfying and reignited my passion for what I should be doing.

The show itself took place in a tent! We did four shows in two days! We only got into the tent the morning of the first show and promptly had to vacate it to make way for a coffee morning! However, because the cast was so laid back and happy to be there nobody fussed and we put on a blooming good show.

While rehearsing for "Oliver!" I was also having to rehearse for a Cabaret Confidential. Another 20min slot at The Pheasantry I did in August, 5 days after getting back from Frinton. I had decided I wanted to finally get back on the horse called "Cabaret" and start putting together a new show and thought 20mins at The Pheasantry would be just the ticket to get me started. I decided a homage to happier times was in order so my set (and my show, when finished) would have an 80s theme. I can't remember what I did last week but I can recite all the words to "Wake me up before you go-go" without batting an eyelid (apologies if I have used that "joke" before) so the 80s seemed a good place to start.

Up until the day I was very excited. I was prepared, I knew my words (for once - although I had a small blip in one song, but I wouldn't be me without at least one mistake) but on the actual day I started to panic that people would not find me funny. The singing didn't bother me, that usually takes care of itself, but I was literally terrified that my new material would not be funny and, as I only had a small contingent of people in who actually knew me, sympathy laughs would be in short supply. So I panicked right up until my rehearsal at the venue. After that I resigned myself to it, I thought it would be what it would be. There was no getting out of it. Funny or not I had to do it.

Thankfully my opening gambit, which I won't tell you about in case you come to see my show in the future, was met with a wall of laughter so I knew the rest would be OK. I actually didn't sing as well as I can but I didn't actually mind. I know the theme works and it made me want to go home and immediately start working on fleshing out the rest of the show. Watch this space!

I think I will leave you with that for now. I promised you tales of my meltdowns but I think I will save that for another blogpost. Always leave them wanting more I say.

Ring out the old, ring in the new.

So, it has been a while. I hope not to use "it has been a while" for a long time as I intend to try and keep on top of things this year. Don't worry, I won't bombard you with posts but they will be a tad more frequent than they were towards the end of 2015.

I was going to do a post about "The Sound of Music" - Live but Rebecca Caine did a better post than the one I was going to do so you may as well read that instead. Click here to read it. So I thought, new year, new me and all that would make for more interesting reading.

2015 was surprisingly uneventful for me. I find myself surprised to have written that as some quite big things happened for me last year. I did my one woman show/cabaret and I changed agents. Both had the potential to change my life but, unfortunately, neither did. That is not to say they weren't positive experiences, they were, but I think I had unachievable hopes for what they would do to bring about change in my life.

The agent change is definitely positive. I have had a fair amount of auditions in the 8 months I have been with them, unfortunately only 3 of them were for shows/jobs I would have wanted to get. However, auditioning is good for me so I am happy to go for anything they put me up for (within reason and as long as it doesn't interfere too much with my teaching. A girl's got to eat).

The cabaret experience was not all positive, it pains me to say. When I did "Cabaret Confidential" I felt so good about the cabaret thing and couldn't wait to put together a longer programme but the reality didn't live up to the hope I had for it. I wasn't terrible but I wasn't good. Friends may beg to differ but I was not satisfied with the material or my execution of the material and, instead of jumping back on the horse, I wallowed in self pity and self loathing and told myself I should never do it again as I would never be as good as I needed to be. I felt like a total failure.

This is not the case now. It was not, in any way, a failure. Here is a clip that should prove it.

There was a lot of good in what I produced on that night back in February and I would be a fool not to give it another go. So I will. That is actually my main resolution for 2016.

I had a notification from a Vlog I subscribe to, one I have mentioned before, Singer's Secrets, about a new post. It was all about strategies for making the most of your singing in 2016. I won't give away all the strategies here as it was someone else's post, but I intend to put all 4 strategies in motion. In particular the one where she says to set a performance goal that makes you uncomfortable and make yourself do it. I have got lazy, complacent, comfortable and I need to shock myself out of it. I almost shocked myself into action by doing a charity concert towards the end of last year. I sang for strangers and they were all very complimentary about what I did but other scary things had come up at the exact same time that zapped my energy and I put the cabaret thing on the back burner. Well things are more settled now, my mind has room to think again so watch this space.

So I hope the new year is treating you well and you had a lovely Christmas. Please keep reading and, when you feel the urge, please share with your friends. I will be eternally grateful fellow Incompetents.

Sing for your supper....well, sing for wine.

Bonjour all. So a couple of weeks ago I did my first gig in 7 months. 7 months since I had sung in public, in front of paying punters. This is nothing short of ridiculous. Although, as always, I am contemplating packing in the actress/singer/bingo caller thing in to become a full time singing teacher and coach. Never has the urge to throw in the towel been stronger actually, as times they are a changing and I find myself being forced (in a good way) to think about what on earth I am doing with my life.

For the past few months I have been doing the odd audition, teaching 4 days a week and, for the rest of the time, sitting on my derrière doing very little. This is because I have a tendency to bury my head in the sand or hope things will change for the better without me having to do anything to bring about these longed for changes. However, my hand is being forced and I will have to dig my head out of the sand and make a few decisions for a change.

Anyway, this was not meant to be the subject of this diary entry, 'twas the gig business. I was approached by an old friend to do this concert a couple of months back and her opening gambit to me was this:

"I hope you are well.

I know you hate being asked to perform without a fee so please feel free to tell me to f**k off immediately rather than put me on Facebook."

This is just the sort of message I love so immediately said yes (don't get ideas though fellow Incompetents, this was a friend asking). She did say I would be rewarded with wine and that is good enough for me. I actually do not mind performing for free if it is for charity or to help out a friend. I do draw the line at profit share shows and the like as these affairs can take up a lot of time, time I could be earning money. Well this concert was a gig for charity, and an interesting and worthwhile charity at that (of course most charities are worthwhile but some get more recognition than others so it was nice to help a smaller organisation). My friend runs a choir, Bermondsey Voices, and the charity they were supporting is local to Bermondsey, the ROBES Project (check them out at www.robes.org.uk). If you live anywhere near Bermondsey and fancy joining a choir you should think about joining Bermondsey Voices, a thoroughly lovely bunch of people out for a good time (through singing!).

Anyway, back to me. The really good thing about this gig was there were, precisely, 3 people in the room who knew me and, as I had chosen 2 comedy songs to sing it was a good test to see if I was actually funny or if my friends were just indulging me at the last 2 cabaret gigs I did. My level of insecurity is such that I often think people are indulging or putting up with me and rarely believe them when they praise me. Most of my friends know this is what I am like and, thankfully, do put up with me. Well I think, think, I can safely say people find me funny as there was laughter a plenty and should I decide not to do a full on show again I know I want to keep singing and doing the cabaret stuff, at least part time.

BTW if anyone knows the people who find the singing coaches for all these reality TV singing shows, point them in my direction. I could definitely do that job!

Oh, and if you fancy joining Bermondsey Voices, their website is www.bermondseyvoices.co.uk

My Favourite Songs (not)

A sneaky peek at a bit of the show I did at The Pheasantry back in February. I bored you all with endless posts about it so it is only fair you get to see a bit. I will be posting more in due course but please have this to be going on with.
I also have a new Diary Entry to post very soon so look out for that.
Enjoy!

Don't panic, it's not all about me.....need to have a quick chat about some Ghost boat thing.

If you regularly read this drivel you may have noticed that I have a penchant for opera at the cinema. I like seeing opera in this way because the atmosphere in a cinema compared to an opera house is so chilled out and the place is unlikely to sell out so you tend to find yourself having a whole row to yourself and nobody notices if you fall asleep. Always a bonus.

I used to love opera. I still appreciate it but I can't say I love it now. To be fair watching in a cinema is no substitute for seeing the genre live really. The sound in a cinema, no matter how good, can never replicate the power of the voice of an opera singer going at full pelt. There are advantages though. As long as you don't have a chorus who feel it necessary to react to every tiny little thing, being up close, in the middle of the action can be quite exciting. Having said that you are at the mercy of the editor as to what you get to see as they will decide what we as an audience need to see at any particular moment in time but that's just a small quibble.

I am not a fan of Wagner. Last night I saw, in it's entirety, only my second Wagner opera. I saw "Die Walküre" a couple of years back, again at the cinema, and last night I saw the ROH production of "Der fliegende Holländer" with the mighty Bryn Terfel and Adrianne Pieczonka. The singing was stonkingly good, truly fantastic. Bryn was brooding and dark while Pieczonka was hopeful and bright. I have always loved Pieczonka. I think she has the most incredible instrument housed in her body. It is a big voice but because of the shimmer she has at the top you never feel like she is beating you over the head with it the way some dramatic female voices do. She is also a stunningly good actress. It is an overused phrase these days but she really is a true stage animal. 

These two giants of the operatic world were joined by another giant but one who was feeling a little under the weather so an announcement was made at the beginning to ask us to bear with him. They needn't have as far as we in the cinema were concerned, Peter Rose was actually on good form. Totally holding his own as Daland with the other two even if he did resemble a Sontaran from Doctor Who. The chorus, too, were better than I have heard them in a while. The regular chorus were joined by a large number of extra chorus members and I kind of wish I had been in the theatre itself as at one point the stage was filled with men. Don't get the wrong idea, I wish I had been there because the sound must have been enormous.

All in all, I enjoyed it and the two and a bit hours, no interval, flew by. It was a surprise when the end came as it felt there should be another hour to go. This was where I got confused. I wasn't totally up on the story before I went to see it but I knew the legend of the Flying Dutchman and figured that Bryn Terfel's character was probably not going to get the girl, well not in the conventional sense anyway. I am assuming Senta is supposed to be seen doing summat she shouldn't with Erik to make the Dutchman spurn her and set sail alone but in this production she didn't appear to do anything (I might have missed it of course). Then I assumed, after Senta yells after him (The Dutchman that is) that she will remain true to him until death, she would probably kill herself but she just carried her little model boat, she had had since the beginning, to the centre of the stage and cried a bit. A total anticlimax.

That said I had a nice time. Still not convinced by Wagner though. Now, feel free to stop reading here as I am going to write a teeny tiny bit about my cabaret that DID happen on Sunday. So if you are fed up of hearing about it please go about your business and think no more about it.

There was a good turnout, about 44 people turned up (mostly friends or friends of friends, I think there were only 7 people who had no connection to me in attendance) so it was more successful in that respect than I had been expecting. It was only once it was done that I realised what an undertaking it had been. The running times were 45 minutes first half and 40 minutes second half. That is a LONG time to hold your own. I totally understand why people invite "guests" to join them on the stage during these affairs. Takes the pressure off a bit.

Everybody asked afterwards "did you enjoy it?". The honest answer was no, but not in a bad way. I didn't hate it and I want to do it again, and I want to do it again soon, but as a friend said to me, Sunday night was like having your tech rehearsal, dress rehearsal and first night (and last night) all at the same time. This was the first time I had tried out the show. In the future it might be an idea to rent a small hall and invite a few friends to come and see it for free just to give myself the opportunity to try out my material to see what works and what doesn't. To be fair there wasn't much I would change in the material I had but I hope I can deliver it better next time. I forgot a lot and got a bit lost at times, however, I am not terrible at getting myself out of a hole so I don't think I made any of my audience feel uncomfortable when I lost my way.

With hindsight, I am SO proud of myself for getting up and doing it. There is a huge difference between doing a 25 minute set on a bill with 3 other acts and what was, effectively, a one-woman show with 90 minutes of just me (and, of course, the wonderful Simona Budd on the piano). This was an immense achievement and one I need to do again. Who would have thought that 4 years of opera training would have led to this.

If anyone is interested in reading someone else's opinion of Sunday night then follow this link:

How did it come to this? The Pheasantry

1 week to go.....well 6 days....is that right?

So, less than a week until I finally do this Pheasantry thing. It has been a LONG time coming. Do not fret, I will stop going on about it very, very soon. 

With less than a week to go what do I decide would be a good thing to do? Go on holiday. I say holiday, do a couple of days just North of Blackpool constitute a holiday? In my world it does that's for sure. I don't really do holidays. Anyway, on my trip up to Blackpool yesterday (Sunday) I was listening to Elaine Paige's radio show on Radio 2 (the greatest radio station in the world!) when she said something along the lines of "there are great things coming up this week at The Pheasantry". My ears pricked up, my heart started beating ridiculously fast, would she get to Sunday? Would I get a mention on Elaine Paige on Sunday? No! She went as far as Saturday as some fabulous musical theatre singer is doing a few nights this week. I'm not quite famous enough for EP. Yet.

I am far too nervous already to talk more about this right now so I will just leave you with the link to buy tickets. Please come along if you can. If I can  get enough people to cover Simona's fee for playing the Joanna and the filming of the event I will consider the evening a success. Of course my dream is to have to turn people away the place is so rammed on the night but, this time, I reckon that is a pipe dream.

2 weeks to go....well, 1 and a bit really.

So the day of reckoning is fast approaching. My show, "How did it come to this?" on the 22nd of February at The Pheasantry WILL happen, whether we want it to or not, in just under 2 weeks. Today I ran through the whole show, on my own, and you would have loved it if you had been in my living room this afternoon. Everything I want to say is in my brain I am just hoping I can access it on the night.

I was starting to feel a bit of "the fear" a week or so ago and it occurred to me that I hadn't really performed since I did Cabaret Confidential at The Pheasantry back in July 2014. So when Paul L Martin suggested I go to the West End Wendies open mic night at The Loft above the Brasserie Toulouse-Lautrec in Kennington on Thursday night I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get back on the horse. Plus, as Simona Budd, my pianist on the 22nd, the Hinge to my Bracket if you will (only some of you will understand that cultural reference), was playing that night I decided it was meant to be. We could try out some new stuff. Make sure I knew all the words, make sure the funny songs were actually funny, that sort of thing. Brilliant.

Of course I chickened out of singing anything new and ended up singing 2 songs I did in my Cabaret Confidential set last year. That's OK though as both of these old songs feature in "How did it come to this?" so it wasn't a totally wasted opportunity or anything. I was flabbergasted at how nervous I was, I really wasn't expecting to be the quivering wreck I was, so I am exceedingly pleased I got up and sang. Any chance to rid myself of a few nerves and get into a calmer state of mind has to be a good thing.

I am determined that my nerves will not get the better of me and I am ever hopeful that Sunday the 22nd will be a rousing success and may lead to more nights of the same or similar. I already have show number 2 in the pipeline so I hope that more than 9 people turn up to make said new show a viable proposition. So if you feel like helping a girl out and eating a pizza at the same time then follow the link below to buy your tickets and hopefully I will see you on the 22nd.

3 weeks to go.....honestly not sure how I feel about that!

So, having waited 7 months, the day of my cabaret is fast approaching. In my head it is going to be a triumph. People will laugh, people will cry (for the right reasons), everyone will leave unable to wait for the next one. Hmmm, that's how it goes for about 5 seconds before a veil of impending doom descends over my head. It is too late to get out of it now so it will happen and I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The worst being I forget my words all over the place, nobody laughs and there is a constant stream of tumbleweed passing before my feet throughout.

To be fair this is how I feel before most performances. I was listening to a radio interview with the fabulous actress Juliet Stevenson the other day and she said before she goes on for a performance she always thinks "Is it too late to retrain as a midwife?" I yelled "YES" at the radio because that is almost exactly what I think before going on stage (I sometimes change the profession). I just have to keep telling myself it will be fine and if it's not it will still happen and people will forget about it soon enough.

I don't mean to sound defeatist and pessimistic I just feel a lot of pressure. Pressure that I have applied myself. No one else has made me feel I HAVE to be good. The friends who intend to come are coming to support me not to see me fail which means I won't fail (even if I do forget my words). 

Anyway, worrying aside, the countdown to Sunday 22nd February has begun. Barring disaster it will come and it will go. Whether it is deemed a success or not is irrelevant the fact I am putting myself out there is more than enough for me. They say you should do something that scares you every day well I think this will be the equivalent of a months worth of scariness.

So if you fancy a bit of song and pizza please come along to The Pheasantry (Pizza Express, King's Road, London) on the 22nd.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on YOU!

So a few weeks ago I was supposed to do a concert. It didn't happen. There are many reasons it did not happen, none of which you need to know about. However, I have learned some fairly interesting lessons and the past few weeks have led to a change in my attitude towards working for nothing.

I have been doing this job, this singing lark, for a long time and we singers/actors are a sensitive bunch (it's not just me). It goes with the territory. We need reassurance from time to time. We need to feel wanted, to feel valued. It's not that we need to be praised constantly we just need to know what we are doing is, basically, OK. We need to know what we are doing is not awful. 

As the years go by I feel less and less bothered by what other people think of how I sing. I think this is because I have been doing more work on my own, or just me and a pianist. We, between us, decide how we are going to put something across. We do it for us and, not necessarily, for anyone else. Of course I want people to enjoy what we do but I try not to feel judged or upset if someone does not enjoy the fruits of our labour. I am not self indulgent when programming. If a song I don't much care for works in a programme I will sing it and find a way to enjoy it. I always consider the audience's needs as well as my own when putting sets together. It is essential that I make myself happy, though, and as time marches on this becomes more and more important. There is no point in pursuing this career if it doesn't make me happy. Life is short (my new found obsession with Grey's Anatomy has taught me that) and I am fed up of doing things simply to make others happy. Particularly when my attempts to make others happy goes unnoticed. I am not looking for thanks and praise for helping but I do not appreciate being taken advantage of.

I should have realised what I'm worth years ago and put a stop to the constant advantage-taking but I am, for the most part, a nice person and I like seeing other people succeed. All I ask for in return is respect and hope that people will not assume that they can walk all over me because they did it before and I did not complain. I love getting involved in projects in their infancy. Seeing where they go, hoping they work out, hoping they lead to bigger and better things for the project's creator. Lack of money does not worry me, I will work for very little (often for cake) if I like the sound of the project or like the instigator of said project. I suppose you could say, at times, I do allow myself to be taken advantage of but, sometimes, I don't mind. I just don't understand how anyone can allow themselves to constantly be the advantage-takers of people who are trying to help them. We performers, particularly the nice ones, deserve better.

There are times when working for little or no money is appropriate. I am not totally against profit share or similar schemes. However, goodwill only goes so far. If you want to produce something of a professional standard using professional artists you have to be prepared to treat them like professionals and not expect they should be grateful just to be involved. Treating someone professionally does not necessarily mean you pay them the big bucks when you can't afford it. Just don't take the p**s. 

So, to all those who are "creating opportunities" take note, if someone is giving themselves, their time, their talent for basically nothing this should be cherished. This person should feel like what they are doing is appreciated. I, personally, did not choose this career to make pots of money but it is my career. I am not an amateur and if I am willing to give my time for nothing that is a big deal. Yes we want to be out there performing and, to a certain extent, we relish the opportunity to get out there whatever the circumstances but I have seen too many producers expect performers to be down-on-their-knees grateful that they have been given the chance to perform and not be rewarded financially. The performers, not the producers, are expected to kowtow and give thanks. It should be the other way round!

Apologies that the above post is lacking in festive cheer. I had written it, or a version of the above, a few weeks ago but hadn't wanted to post until now. However, I must take this opportunity to thank you all for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a sensational New Year.

PS if you are at a loose end on February 22nd you could always come to this:

Booking is now open so follow the link to get your tickets. You can eat pizza while I sing. Win win!

How Did it come to this? (Booking)

Where the heck have you been?

So it has been a LONG time since I last posted. I apologise. I have been preoccupied with all sorts of stuff recently and therefore not been able to put fingers to keyboard to write for a while (does anyone remember when the phrase used to be "pen to paper"? To be fair, it is still a phrase I have just come up with a new one. I say I've come up with a new one, I am pretty sure I am not the first person to coin it). So what do you have to tell us, I hear you cry?

Well, I did a concert. It is true. I did a concert. A proper one with an orchestra and everything. 'Twas in the depths of Welsh Wales, well Cwmbran, at the Congress Theatre with the Welsh Musical Theatre Orchestra. So I am pretty sure you will have deduced it was an evening of musical theatre loveliness. I got to sing stuff I have been dying to sing for years all with the added thrill that it was with orchestra. Apart from a small (coughs) mess up in "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" (to be fair I am a soprano and I was on the bottom harmony line and, as everyone knows, sopranos don't do harmony) it was a stupendously good evening that helped me realise why I chose this as a career and why it should still be my career. As a consequence I am off back to Cwmbran on the 5th December to do a little lunchtime thing at the Congress Theatre with the orchestra's conductor, Andrew Hopkins so, yes folks, that means I am doing another gig. 3 in one year, I might be able to call myself a professional singer again if this keeps up.

The good thing about doing this little shindig on the 5th December is it gives me a chance to try out a few bits and pieces I will be performing at The Pheasantry on the 22nd February 2015. For those who don't know (or don't remember as I am so lazy and have not posted in so long), following my little stint as part of "Cabaret Confidential", Paul L Martin invited me to put together a whole evening of just me (and, of course, the brilliant Simona Budd at the piano). The evening has a title and a poster so it is pretty much ready to go (once I have decided on an actual programme) and it is this I would like to share with you right now. It is subject to change so do not hold me to everything I have included on the poster. You can't book yet but there are only 80 something tickets available so book early to avoid disappointment I say (I will post again when tickets become available).

In the meantime this is a taste of what might be to come:

Small addition to post:

OMG I have just seen that my blog has had over 20,000 views. I thank you all for reading. Roll on 25,000.