Jack of all trades, master of none!

It has been a rollercoaster of a week, I can tell you. Much as I hate those posts that tease the audience into wondering, what is going on, or coerce people into commenting, “you OK hun?” I can’t give you all the details about what happened to me this week but, do not fret, all is well now. I think.

This "happening" caused me to think about what I am doing with my life right now. Don’t worry this isn’t one of those “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life” or “something has to change” posts. I have fingers in many pies right now but I’m struggling to work out the best path to travel down. I am consistently guilty of spreading myself too thin which means I can turn my hand to many things but don’t feel like I am the master (or mistress) of any of these things.

So I'm not sure what my focus should be at the moment. I run a choir, Songsations, I teach private singing lessons and write a blog about singing Sing Your Song, I have an Instagram page called The 60 Second Singer, I teach for two theatre schools and I'm trying to write and set up some online courses. I haven't mastered any one of these things but I would love to be mistress of all of the things I have set up.

What to do about this? Well, I am a very impatient person. I remember when I was about 8 years old becoming obsessed with reading and, in particular, reading quickly. I wasn't very good at taking my time with books. If I started a book I had to finish it ASAP. This is not the case now. I have about 6 books on the go right now and I doubt I will finish any of them any time soon. It's too much like hard work. I think this is why I like blogging and why I'll probably never write a book. I can write a blog post in an hour but a book would take weeks or months and I do not have the patience to do it. If I start something I want it finished.

I think this is why I had trouble learning, or rather, retaining songs at college. I would learn songs very quickly, perform them and then immediately forget them. I also think this is why, when I have a to-do list as long as Beyonce's legs, I do none of it and binge watch something on Netflix instead (other streaming platforms are available) as I get too overwhelmed by the feeling I HAVE to do something. I am an excellent ostrich, constantly burying my head in the sand. To be honest I should be working now but I'd rather write this.

Do I have a solution? Not really, no. I know it takes willpower and I need to build new habits. A few years ago I Marie Kondo'd my flat to within an inch of it's life and I ended up creating 2 specific habits from that experience. One is I always wash up my frying pan when I make my omelette for breakfast. Without fail. I NEVER leave it in the sink to "soak". The second is I always fold my socks and put them away in a certain way in my sock drawer. I'm OCD about this. So I know I am capable of building habits, I suppose I just have to do it.

I am still a little obsessed with webinars and a watched a great one about forming habits the other day. I had planned to do everything the host suggested: getting up at 5am (never going to happen so I changed it to 6am), exercising for 20 minutes as soon as I got up, 20 minutes journaling every morning and 20 minutes of learning (all before breakfast) plus a couple of other things. I have managed none of this. 

What I should have done was take one of these ideas and run with just that for a while and slowly added the other elements. I think they say it takes something like 66 days to form a habit (I might have made up that number but it is another number if not that one) so if I had any patience whatsoever I would spend 66 days forming each habit like I did with the frying pan and my sock drawer. Perhaps I have answered my own question there. 

Another webinar I watched reminded me of the fact it takes 10000 hours of practise/learning to become an expert in something. This is why I am unlikely to be a master of anything. I have the concentration of a puppy so find practise or sitting down and concentrating on anything for longer than 5 minutes very difficult. One method that has been suggested to me is to set a timer for 20 minutes. Work for those 20 minutes and when the alarm goes off I can go and make a brew or do something else and then reset the alarm and do it again. It's an idea and sounds like a pretty doable idea actually. My problem is motivating myself to do this. I’m not going to blame Lockdown or the pandemic for this lack of motivation. I have always been like this. Perhaps I need to add a touch of meditation. Unfortunately I don’t have the patience which is ironic really.

I realised today I have actually developed a new habit recently. At the beginning of the year I made the resolution to "move my body” for 10 minutes a day. It is now March 11th and I have been for a walk everyday (apart from 2 but I did other exercise at home on those days) which means, after 70 days, I am now in the realm of this being a habit now. This adds to my steadily growing belief that I do have some willpower, I just need to be able to hone it and direct it towards the things I really would like to achieve in the fairytale that is playing out in my imagination. 

So, I definitely have much to think about and I desperately want to feel like I have mastered something in life. I shall go and set my alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I will probably turn it off and go back to sleep but, hey, it's a start innit!

Oh for the tech skills of a 6 year old!

I’ve had a pretty good couple of weeks. Nothing of much note has actually happened but I’m feeling more positive and motivated right now. I even just hoovered my flat and put a load of washing on so things must be looking up. I put it down to the fact that I have been getting out for my self-prescribed 10 minutes of daily exercise. As I think I mentioned, I made a few resolutions at the beginning of January, one of which was exercise every day for at least 10 minutes. I have slowly got my step count up to an average of 7000 per day, helped by listening to podcasts whilst walking.

Evidence I went for a walk!

I’m not writing this to gloat, particularly as it’s really not worth gloating about, but the motivation thing has been a problem for me for years now so any glimmer of hope that I am coming out of a funk is worth talking about just for myself (I apologise that you have to endure a post about it though, I really do). 

I still feel like I’m in limbo right now, as we are still in lockdown, and making big changes is probably not a great idea right now. However, I don’t think I need to make BIG changes anymore. Little changes to my mind set and getting up a little earlier in order to get more done will do for now methinks.

Don’t misunderstand, I still find myself sitting on my sofa staring into space for quite lengthy periods but I have noticed a definite increase in productivity. I mentioned my new venture  The 60 Second Singer on Instagram in my last post and I’ve already put out 6 videos. It could be construed as a bit of a vanity project but there are other reasons, other than showing off, I have for taking on this project.

Life has really changed in the past 20 years and the need for being somewhat tech savvy has grown exponentially. I’m not a total dunce when it comes to technology but my 6 year nephew probably knows more than I do. The reason I started The 60 Second Singer was twofold really. I wanted to hone my skills in producing videos and I also wanted to get more comfortable in front of a camera.

I have wonky teeth that I have been hugely self conscious about since I was a teenager but, unfortunately, I also used to have a real, deep seated fear of the dentist. I stopped going to the dentist when I was 16 and was almost 30 before I finally plucked up the courage to go again. Although I would love to have my teeth “fixed” I don’t have the time, or the money, to do it so I figured the only thing I could do was to start putting myself out there in video form in order to get over my self-hatred of my gnashers and other bits.

I am OBSESSED by other people’s teeth. When I watch tv or films, anything on a screen, I spend ages studying the teeth I see on the screen and constantly compare myself to them. I never measure up. I could just about cope with my wonkiness until about two years ago when one of my front teeth shifted and became even wonkier. So now is the time to make myself get comfortable with them. 

The videos I have been making are definitely helping but there’s a way to go yet. I just hope I can get better at them over time. So if you “follow” The 60 Second Singer please bear with me as I try to exceed the editing skills of my 6 year old nephew. The video below is from The 60 Second Singer so you can see what I've been up to, just don't look at my teeth!

Click here to see the video on Instagram

Burn (out), Baby Burn(out)!

I had started writing this post before Christmas as I was feeling a little like I couldn't cope anymore. Yet here we are in 2021 and I feel very different. 

I had an interesting Christmas, on my own down South and as I said in my last post, Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow I quite enjoyed the peace and quiet. The 3 weeks or so I had to myself was invaluable but I am now feeling a little restless. I know we probably shouldn't make any big life changes right now but something has to change, I think.

I had been feeling overwhelmed and like I needed the world to stop (pretty sure I'm not alone there) but now I feel overwhelmed in a different way. My energy levels are up thanks to the daily walks but my head is spinning with ideas but I don't feel I have a way to see the ideas through to fruition.

Does anyone else feel like we have far too much time to think? I suppose that question is aimed at the other singletons really as those of you with families, I imagine, have PLENTY to keep you occupied right now. It might not be things you want to be occupied with but your brain space is occupied nonetheless. I am having trouble catching my thoughts at the moment. I have loads of ideas but the second I start working on one idea another idea muscles in and tries to take over the part of my brain that is trying to sort out the original idea. This ultimately ends with me giving up and binge-watching summat on Netflix (other streaming sites are available). 

This is not a moaning post at all. It's more frustration. I have such friendly envy for all those people who are making things happen during this crazy time and just wish I could make things happen the way they do. I have started a couple of things but I am not able to get them out there so enough people see them. I have attended webinars galore on marketing and social media use but still can't seem to get the 1000 subscribers they say I should be able to get from watching their webinars. I'm not naive. I know watching a webinar isn't going to change things but it should be a start. Anyway, I'm sure something will click in to place eventually.

I'm not looking to be famous or a millionaire but I would like to pay my bills without worrying about how (wouldn't we all). But it's not even only about money, it's about feeling useful. I don't always feel useful. 

Well, I'm going to wrap it up there and leave you with of a pic of me looking like a snowman during my walk yesterday. Oh and if you don't mind, could you visit my new Instagram venture, The 60 Second Singer and give the page a follow? I'll be posting videos with little singing tips, tricks, techniques not longer than 60 seconds, hence the name. I really want to build this one into something, not sure what, yet, but definitely something.