Consistency: the mother of productivity......or summat like that.

So, as you know, if you follow me in any way, I have not been particularly consistent when it comes to writing this, or any other, blog. The more I think about it, the more I think the lovely lady who got in touch to suggest I may have adult ADHD may have been on to something. Don't worry, that's not what I'm going to talk about as I don't know anything about it and can only talk about what I do know about.

I have many irons in many fires at the moment. I run 4 choirs a week during term time, teach for a local dance school 3 days a week, teach privately 2 days a week and I'm trying to start producing online courses. This has led to some incredible overwhelm, procrastination and some daily watching of Friends (from the very beginning). Thankfully, right now, I am on my Summer break so it is not the end of the world to sit around doing nothing for a while but I have a long, LONG to do list that isn't getting any smaller.

I may have mentioned before that I am obsessed with webinars and doing free challenges on Facebook, well, one challenge I wanted to start today was a Go Live for 21 Days challenge but I have managed to talk myself out of it. How and why have I done this I hear you ask!

Firstly, why would ANYONE want to listen to me? I know I have very little in the way of self esteem so this isn't really a ridiculous question, however, let's turn that around, why WOULDN'T anyone want to listen to me? There will undoubtedly be some people who think I'm a bit of a knob, unfunny and boring BUT, and that BUT deserves the capital letters methinks, who cares if there are some who feel that way? You can not be all things to all people so I should really stop worrying and just do it.

In an effort to try and get used to recording lives on Facebook I set up my very own private Facebook group to practice in. It wasn't my idea, I have heard this suggested by a few online coaches as a way of getting used to filming yourself. I have done quite a bit of self taping in the past couple of years but recently I have had these raging doubts and worries that people will think I'm ridiculous. Or rather, more ridiculous than before.

As a woman on her own, of a certain age, I am very conscious of having to make some extra cash in order to have a slightly more financially secure future. Unfortunately one particular coach whose webinars I watch religiously says that we should not chase goals from a place of scarcity but from abundance. I still don't know how to do this but I am trying! What I am thinking, though, is if I can work on my consistency when it comes to posting in all my Facebook groups, Instagram accounts, Twitter et al perhaps I can grow my audiences and get a little closer to the financial stability I crave. In order to do this I need to get over myself and make sure I put myself in front on the right people, the people who will appreciate and want to hear what I have to say. To be fair, that includes you! Surely you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to hear what I have to say. Would you?

So, prepare for some consistency people! I am going to start the Go Live for 21 Days in about 5 minutes but don't worry, the 21 lives will not all be on my Incompetent Soprano Facebook page. I will spread the joy to my Songsations and Enlightened Singer pages as well. I wouldn't want to make a nuisance of myself! Perhaps if any of you are feeling anything remotely similar you could try embracing consistency as well. Let me know how you get on.

Just had to take a little unfiltered pic of my pigtails. 

Has nothing to do with this post!

Jack of all trades, master of none!

It has been a rollercoaster of a week, I can tell you. Much as I hate those posts that tease the audience into wondering, what is going on, or coerce people into commenting, “you OK hun?” I can’t give you all the details about what happened to me this week but, do not fret, all is well now. I think.

This "happening" caused me to think about what I am doing with my life right now. Don’t worry this isn’t one of those “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life” or “something has to change” posts. I have fingers in many pies right now but I’m struggling to work out the best path to travel down. I am consistently guilty of spreading myself too thin which means I can turn my hand to many things but don’t feel like I am the master (or mistress) of any of these things.

So I'm not sure what my focus should be at the moment. I run a choir, Songsations, I teach private singing lessons and write a blog about singing Sing Your Song, I have an Instagram page called The 60 Second Singer, I teach for two theatre schools and I'm trying to write and set up some online courses. I haven't mastered any one of these things but I would love to be mistress of all of the things I have set up.

What to do about this? Well, I am a very impatient person. I remember when I was about 8 years old becoming obsessed with reading and, in particular, reading quickly. I wasn't very good at taking my time with books. If I started a book I had to finish it ASAP. This is not the case now. I have about 6 books on the go right now and I doubt I will finish any of them any time soon. It's too much like hard work. I think this is why I like blogging and why I'll probably never write a book. I can write a blog post in an hour but a book would take weeks or months and I do not have the patience to do it. If I start something I want it finished.

I think this is why I had trouble learning, or rather, retaining songs at college. I would learn songs very quickly, perform them and then immediately forget them. I also think this is why, when I have a to-do list as long as Beyonce's legs, I do none of it and binge watch something on Netflix instead (other streaming platforms are available) as I get too overwhelmed by the feeling I HAVE to do something. I am an excellent ostrich, constantly burying my head in the sand. To be honest I should be working now but I'd rather write this.

Do I have a solution? Not really, no. I know it takes willpower and I need to build new habits. A few years ago I Marie Kondo'd my flat to within an inch of it's life and I ended up creating 2 specific habits from that experience. One is I always wash up my frying pan when I make my omelette for breakfast. Without fail. I NEVER leave it in the sink to "soak". The second is I always fold my socks and put them away in a certain way in my sock drawer. I'm OCD about this. So I know I am capable of building habits, I suppose I just have to do it.

I am still a little obsessed with webinars and a watched a great one about forming habits the other day. I had planned to do everything the host suggested: getting up at 5am (never going to happen so I changed it to 6am), exercising for 20 minutes as soon as I got up, 20 minutes journaling every morning and 20 minutes of learning (all before breakfast) plus a couple of other things. I have managed none of this. 

What I should have done was take one of these ideas and run with just that for a while and slowly added the other elements. I think they say it takes something like 66 days to form a habit (I might have made up that number but it is another number if not that one) so if I had any patience whatsoever I would spend 66 days forming each habit like I did with the frying pan and my sock drawer. Perhaps I have answered my own question there. 

Another webinar I watched reminded me of the fact it takes 10000 hours of practise/learning to become an expert in something. This is why I am unlikely to be a master of anything. I have the concentration of a puppy so find practise or sitting down and concentrating on anything for longer than 5 minutes very difficult. One method that has been suggested to me is to set a timer for 20 minutes. Work for those 20 minutes and when the alarm goes off I can go and make a brew or do something else and then reset the alarm and do it again. It's an idea and sounds like a pretty doable idea actually. My problem is motivating myself to do this. I’m not going to blame Lockdown or the pandemic for this lack of motivation. I have always been like this. Perhaps I need to add a touch of meditation. Unfortunately I don’t have the patience which is ironic really.

I realised today I have actually developed a new habit recently. At the beginning of the year I made the resolution to "move my body” for 10 minutes a day. It is now March 11th and I have been for a walk everyday (apart from 2 but I did other exercise at home on those days) which means, after 70 days, I am now in the realm of this being a habit now. This adds to my steadily growing belief that I do have some willpower, I just need to be able to hone it and direct it towards the things I really would like to achieve in the fairytale that is playing out in my imagination. 

So, I definitely have much to think about and I desperately want to feel like I have mastered something in life. I shall go and set my alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I will probably turn it off and go back to sleep but, hey, it's a start innit!

Dizzy! My head is spinning.....

Is anyone else binging on webinars right now? It seems the world and his wife are trying to sell online courses right now and they way they hook you is by offering you a free "workshop" to be a part of, but really they just want you to buy their course. I have watched A LOT of these free workshops recently and actually signed up to one course. I squeezed every last bit out of the original lockdown* in the hope that I would have plenty to show for the last 6 months. 

<a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/multitasking">Multitasking Vectors by Vecteezy</a>

Unfortunately I have a very short attention span and end up multitasking whilst I do anything these days. I can’t seem to concentrate on one task alone. I start doing one thing and then try to do something else at the same time. Then I find my brain is overloaded and I need to go and binge watch something on Netflix (it’s Cobra Kai at the moment. It’s very, very bad but makes me feel very nostalgic for the 1980s). I am about to get on my exercise bike to do some much needed exercise (lockdown has not been kind to my waistline) but whilst I am peddling I am going to watch a 23 minute video on using iMovie and a 20 minute video about creating Canva vision boards (homework from a social media webinar - part 3 is on Friday).

I don't know if anyone else is feeling like this at the moment but I am constantly tired and constantly annoyed with myself for not doing anything. I have very little get up and go right now. I get up and go out when I have to but the rest of the time I tend to stay in doing very little telling myself I'll do more tomorrow. I don't and then get annoyed with myself for not doing anything and then get annoyed for getting annoyed at myself. I have a constant headache that I can not blame on coffee anymore as I gave it up at the beginning of lockdown and have, on average, one Costa coffee a week now. I know something has to change but I don't know what.

I need to move, I know that. I have a neighbour who does not enjoy my singing, the word "piercing" was used to describe it by her, therefore, I can't practice at home anymore. Moving in the Greater London area is easier said than done. I need a house with, at least, one room unattached to any neighbouring house so I can sing at home whenever I want. I have a room I can hire at my local church hall but, as the country opens up, and the line dancing and art classes start again, the hall is getting more bookings and it will only be a matter of time until they can not accommodate me anymore. 

I have always been prone to a touch of anxiety but I'm at a new level right now. Unfortunately/fortunately my anxiety manifests itself by me burying my head in the sand, much like an ostrich but without the fantastic legs. I have ideas galore swimming in my head but I do not have the wherewithal to put any new plans into action. I think this is, in part, due to my fear of failure. If I don't try I won't fail but nothing will ever change and I will remain in this perpetual state of stagnation. 

So, what do I do about this? The most important thing to come from this post is that SOMETHING has to change. I am not enjoying everything I do at the moment (although I know I am in a fantastic position right now. I earn enough to pay my rent and buy the odd bottle of Malbec so I KNOW I am very lucky right now). The problem is I am restless. I know what I don't want to do, or rather, what I want to give up but I just don't feel like changing things is the way to go right now. 

Am I wrong, though? Is now precisely the time to change things up? I feel like I am existing rather than living most of the time right now but perhaps this is the best anyone should hope for at the moment. Maybe I should sit tight, stop fretting and keep watching the webinars. They are certainly an excellent way to waste time and, you never know, I might find something I really want to do with the rest of my life that way.

*at the time of writing we have only had one full on lockdown in Croydon. If we have another I am not going to waste a second of it (I know that's a lie. I'll be binge watching something by the second day).