Burn (out), Baby Burn(out)!

I had started writing this post before Christmas as I was feeling a little like I couldn't cope anymore. Yet here we are in 2021 and I feel very different. 

I had an interesting Christmas, on my own down South and as I said in my last post, Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow I quite enjoyed the peace and quiet. The 3 weeks or so I had to myself was invaluable but I am now feeling a little restless. I know we probably shouldn't make any big life changes right now but something has to change, I think.

I had been feeling overwhelmed and like I needed the world to stop (pretty sure I'm not alone there) but now I feel overwhelmed in a different way. My energy levels are up thanks to the daily walks but my head is spinning with ideas but I don't feel I have a way to see the ideas through to fruition.

Does anyone else feel like we have far too much time to think? I suppose that question is aimed at the other singletons really as those of you with families, I imagine, have PLENTY to keep you occupied right now. It might not be things you want to be occupied with but your brain space is occupied nonetheless. I am having trouble catching my thoughts at the moment. I have loads of ideas but the second I start working on one idea another idea muscles in and tries to take over the part of my brain that is trying to sort out the original idea. This ultimately ends with me giving up and binge-watching summat on Netflix (other streaming sites are available). 

This is not a moaning post at all. It's more frustration. I have such friendly envy for all those people who are making things happen during this crazy time and just wish I could make things happen the way they do. I have started a couple of things but I am not able to get them out there so enough people see them. I have attended webinars galore on marketing and social media use but still can't seem to get the 1000 subscribers they say I should be able to get from watching their webinars. I'm not naive. I know watching a webinar isn't going to change things but it should be a start. Anyway, I'm sure something will click in to place eventually.

I'm not looking to be famous or a millionaire but I would like to pay my bills without worrying about how (wouldn't we all). But it's not even only about money, it's about feeling useful. I don't always feel useful. 

Well, I'm going to wrap it up there and leave you with of a pic of me looking like a snowman during my walk yesterday. Oh and if you don't mind, could you visit my new Instagram venture, The 60 Second Singer and give the page a follow? I'll be posting videos with little singing tips, tricks, techniques not longer than 60 seconds, hence the name. I really want to build this one into something, not sure what, yet, but definitely something.

Let It Snow, Let it Snow, Let It Snow......Please!

So, how are we all doing right now? Another year, another lockdown. I know some people are finding this one harder than the last two and there are a variety of reasons for this. I am not any kind of psychiatrist so I won't even begin to bore you with my thoughts. Your reasons for hating/loving lockdown are your own. I can only speak for myself.

Firstly, let's talk Christmas. Due to the change in tiers just before the holidays, I decided to stay put for Christmas and not venture up north to spend it with my family. I didn't hate it. I wouldn't want to spend Christmas alone every year but I actually might actively arrange to spend it alone again from time to time. It was nice to not have to travel here, there and everywhere during a holiday period for once. I had a couple of weeks to veg out on the sofa, eat chocolate and watch whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, on the TV. This, of course, led us into lockdown 3.0 and a whole new way of being.

It's very strange not being able to do things when you want but it isn't a feeling I completely dislike. It makes you realise what you really think important and what you don't. For instance, as anyone who has ever read this diary will know, I LOVE a trip to Costa or Caffe Nero. BC (before Covid) I would visit a coffee shop 4 or 5 times a week, easily. I can now count on two hands the amount of times I have visited one since March last year and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have eaten in one. I have not missed it and don't intend to return to my old ways once this craziness is over.

What I have been doing, since this third lockdown began, is meet a friend for a socially distanced walk once a week in Selsdon. We go to an independent coffee shop, Planet of the Beans for the most excellent hot chocolate and then wander around the local golf course talking nonsense and getting our prescribed hour of exercise. Yesterday was Sunday and was the best day I've had in a long time. 

Yesterday the snow came to South Croydon. Thick, heavy snow reminiscent of the Beast from the East last seen in 2018. Being a northerner I miss proper snow. My weather app had told me to expect snow so on Sunday morning, as I told the people who follow me on Facebook,  I leapt out of bed with the enthusiasm of a small child but with the body of a middle aged woman and hobbled to the window. Hobbled because my ankles take a while to warm up in the morning nowadays. Alas at that point, 9am, there was no snow. I was due to meet my friend at 11am so I had everything crossed that the weather app wasn't lying to me. It wasn't and at 10am the thick snowflakes began to fall from the sky.

My friend and I met as arranged and picked up our hot chocolates and walked, in the snow, to the golf course. The snow kept coming and created the most incredible winter wonderland.

The thing that made yesterday particularly special was the fact that I had time to go out and enjoy the snow the way I had when I was a child messing about in 3 feet of snow (we got about 2 inches yesterday but it felt like more). Had we not been in a lockdown it would not have even occurred to me to go and make the most of the weather.

If being alive in these most crazy of times has taught me anything, it is that 'things' are unimportant. As they say, "you can't take it with you" and I believe I truly understand this now. Of course I would love to own my own little house and there are 'things' that would make life easier if I had them at my disposal but life is what you make of it not what you acquire along the way. 

The one thing I wish I could do during this lockdown is sing more for myself. I made a few simple resolutions at New Year and most I have stuck to, go for a walk everyday is one I have managed to achieve thus far. Another resolution was to sing for myself at least twice a week. Unfortunately I haven't managed this. I can't sing at home because my neighbour objects to my singing so that leaves my car as a possible place to practice but I haven't done so as yet. 

I also thought about starting a little project whereby I record myself singing in my car and upload those recordings to YouTube. My walking friend and I had been trying to come up with a pithy name for this project. We thought of Car-aoke but  Tesla use that already so I'm thinking I could call it Clair-eoke or In-Car-Tations or Petrol-Head-Voice. Unfortunately I haven't really felt like doing it so the name is irrelevant right now. If anyone can think of one, though, please let me know.

Ooh, before I go, my friend took this picture of me yesterday during the snowstorm (btw the snow was almost completely gone three hours later). I asked him "Do I look like I'm in a catalogue?" "Yes", he replied, "Screwfix".