Starting here, starting now!

Well, for a change, I did what I said I would do. You may, or may not, remember I said I was working on a new song in my last post (click here to read it if you missed it). So I learnt the song and I recorded the song and now I'm on the hunt for more songs.

It's not perfect but I thought a work in progress type video would be good enough for now. It still needs a bit more work but it shows me, as well as everyone else, that it is worth working on. It has been a while since I have wanted to learn a new song so I am hoping this is the start of a trend.

I have a working title for a new cabaret set, "Boys, Boys, Boys" (like the Sabrina song from the 80s) and I have been putting together a list of possible songs. I don't know if I will ever find a home for this new set but if I can get my act together (pun intended) I might actually manage to put myself out there before the end of the year. 

Having said that, things are busy at Claire Platt - Singing Teacher HQ and Songsations HQ so I have to work out how to use my time economically so I still have time for my own stuff. I have started scheduling my time a little better already. I teach for a dance school and those times are set in stone so I have tried to set aside certain times for my private singing lessons rather than working around other people's schedules. This means I can also schedule time every week to work on Boys, Boys, Boys (pun also intended). Fingers crossed this all works. 

I have never been particularly good at using my time efficiently. I am a fly by the seats of my pants kind of girl. All my essays at university were done the night before they were due in. Except one that I worked really hard on over a couple of weeks and got an A for. It's just a shame I didn't learn from that! I am determined to use all of my time productively from now on. Of course I also need to schedule time for watching shit on Netflix. That's very important.

So if you want to have a gander at what I've been up to, the video is below (if the video doesn't show up click the link instead). https://youtu.be/4TSQjtcqJ-g

Accountability not acceptance

Ooh it's been a while hasn't it. This post is going to rake over old ground, I don't apologise for that, but you might want to give it a miss if you're fed up of reading what could be construed as negativity. There is a lot going on at the moment, some of which I can't talk about here as it's not my place (sorry to be mysterious), and I am still having a problem with motivation (no change there). I started a journaling challenge and it's already thrown up a few things that need to be addressed quite urgently. 

I have done a lot of journaling in the past but haven't recently. I don't know if it really does anything helpful so could be a big old waste of my time. Having said that it can't be more of a waste of my time than all the Netflix binging I've been doing recently (Below Deck was a particular low point). I've talked quite a bit in the past about my laziness and inability to motivate myself to exercise. I have kept up my New Year's resolution to move for, at least, 10 minutes a day so that's good but I have realised that I have regained all the weight I lost when I joined a gym 8 years ago. I am back to square one and really don't think I can do it again.

I did do my 10,000 steps yesterday but I need to do that everyday and, to be honest, walking is not nearly enough. It's great but it does not cut it. I don't know why I'm avoiding. I sometimes wonder if I am comfortable in, what I see as, my chubby shell. Nobody pays me much attention in life and maybe that actually feels easier. I travel through life slightly under the radar. I rarely put my hand up to answer questions or join conversations. I sit on the sidelines. 

I digress. Well I say that, I am not certain where I want to go with this post, I just know I want to write something. Perhaps it's an extension of the journaling thing. There are many ways to go about journaling but the way I tend to do it is to treat it more like a mind dump. I just write and don't stop for a couple of pages. I write everything down that comes to mind no matter how ridiculous or banal. It is not for someone else to read so it doesn't matter what you write. The idea is to dump all the crap that is in your head so that you have room to think about the things that matter or allow space for working on projects you have on the go.

The thing that is worrying me right now is that I just sit on my sofa thinking but not doing. This might be a weird thing to say but I am really not very intelligent and don't understand things like tax, GDPR, websites, technology. I love being self employed and love making my own work but there are SO many other aspects to running a business that I just don't understand and end up like an ostrich with my head buried in the sand. This is why I can't seem to grow my singing teacher business or my choirs.

I don't want to accept this as my life though. I want more, I want to be excited by the things I do in my life. Many of us are in the same boat and have lost our mojo because of this damn pandemic. In March 2020 I was just getting my head around things and the choirs, in particular, were getting bigger and I was getting more confident running them but Covid has decimated the choirs and, even now, as things are starting to open up again, my singers aren't coming back and I am not sure I can ever get it back to where it was. 

I am taking part in a "Quantum Manifesting Challenge" this week and I am watching a webinar as I write this (I REALLY have to stop multitasking. This is the root of my problems I reckon). The woman running it has just asked, regarding your business, do you feel like you are swimming in soup, swimming in water or flying through the air? I am DEFINITELY swimming in very thick soup right now.

I know only I can change things. I have to stop thinking I can't do things or understand everything. I have always had trouble with waiting or standing still. I can NOT bear traffic jams. They freak me out. If I am reading a book I have to read it fast or I give up and I find it very hard to concentrate on one thing at a time. I have documents and books to read explaining all the things I don't think I can understand but I am constantly overwhelmed and can't bring myself to even start reading them. I have a pile of books on singing to read but I am too overwhelmed to start reading them. I am forever saying I haven't got time to do things and, instead of getting on with what I can get done, I go and sit on my sofa and stare into space for hours at a time.

I know it doesn't have to be like this. I am accountable and I do not have to accept that this is all life is. I really didn't know what I wanted this post to be when I started, but I feel like writing this might help me feel some accountability and might push me to do SOMETHING. Not everything but something. I think I will start with a walk.

PS In the name of accountability I am sharing the photo below. This was taken on Sunday. I am 3 sizes bigger and 3 stones heavier than I was 2 years ago. I would love to post a photo in 6 months time that shows I have improved my fitness (I'll probably forget because of brain fog - that's the other problem right now). We'll see!

To Christmas tree or not to Christmas tree?

So, following my last post, my anxiety levels have reached an all-time high. Not because of the stupid woman at the Post Office in my last offering but because there is something wrong with my car. I don't really know why this has affected me in the way it has but I know I can't do my normal ostrich thing and bury my head in the sand this time. 

I took the car to my local garage and they put my mind at rest that it was nothing that imminently needed seeing to but, as the car is still under warranty, I need to take it to a Dacia garage to get it fixed. Problem is I have NO time and the nearest place is a little further away than I'd like. Point is there is NOTHING I can do about it (apart from book it in at the garage) so there is NOTHING to be anxious about. So why can't I get a handle on it? To be fair to my brain, I think I am possibly more anxious because I am on my own and don't have anyone to really help me with these silly everyday things. I am perfectly capable of coping on my own (I've managed for 46 years) but these are strange times and life alone is something altogether different from how it was 9 months ago! This is not meant to diminish any anxiety any coupled up people are feeling by the way.

So why am I writing this? Well it has nothing to do with singing (my posts rarely do these days to be honest) but it does fuel my feelings of incompetence. As a result of my high anxiety I have watched many, many terrible things on Netflix (other streaming services are available) including five Christmas films in two days and it's not even December yet. Full disclosure, I have one on right now as I type. I love the formulaic nature of a typical Christmas film but it has also inspired me to start working on a new project. An actual, potential hobby if you will. 

I may have said in the past, I may not but I'm not going to re-read all my posts to check, that I have always wanted an actual hobby. I'm not sure I have had a real hobby since I used to play with my Sindy's or my Fashion Plates set (if anyone finds one of these please get it for me!).

However, I have always wanted to write a book but I have never felt I have the patience. A blog suits me as it takes me a couple of hours at most to write a post and then I'm done. Instant gratification. For me, not you! I have no aspirations to write a book for public consumption but I would love to have a pop at it. Anyway all these Christmas films have given me the best idea so I'm going to give it a go and try and write something longer than a blog post. The idea also means I have the best excuse to watch every Christmas film I can find. All in the name of research of course. I'm not going to divulge the idea I have had for this "book" and it is, in all probability, going to take me years to do. I have the beginnings of a treatment for a film in a drawer that I started about 10 years ago so I'm not optimistic that this book will ever get written before I shuffle off this mortal coil but if it gives me something else to think about other than singing and teaching I will be happy.   

In other news I am very tempted to put up my Christmas tree today. I haven't had a Christmas tree for the past 3 or so years. Last year I did this:

This is what passed for a Christmas tree in 2019. Not sure I can be bothered though, and it is not yet December but perhaps it would cheer me up. I'll decide when this Christmas film I'm watching has finished. Oh, and if you want a Christmas film recommendation, "Christmas Inheritance" on Netflix is fantastically trashy.

UPDATE

Since I posted this I rang the garage and it turns out the warning light (that I didn't tell you about) was only on because it's service was due. The handbook didn't say anything about this. Anyway it's booked in for it's service and my anxiety levels have reduced. Phew. Also, avoid Christmas Land on Netflix at all costs, it's really bad!

Diversify! Diversify!.....imagine that said with the voice of a Dalek.

The title of this post makes it sound far more sinister than it actually is. I just thought it would sound funny. Plus, I can legitimately write "Doctor Who" in the tags thus attracting a whole new audience, albeit an audience with little or no interest in the inner workings of a soprano's brain. Although you never know. It's always good to broaden ones horizons which is, kind of, what this diary entry is all about.

So, apart from my foray back into the world of musical theatre during the summer, I have not been performing much over the past couple of years. Not through choice, you understand, I absolutely loved my time in the big tent on the seafront in Frinton. Just imagine a Great British Bake Off sized tent, though not worth £25 million (or is it £75 million), 200 seats but no gingham or Mary Berry. Anyway, this small blip, or temporary stagnation, in my singing career has got me thinking of different ways in which I can pay the rent. Of course, I can think of many ways I could easily pay my bills, unfortunately most of them aren't legal or moral so I am not prepared to embark upon them. However, there are a few things I am capable of doing without throwing my good name in to disrepute.

As regular readers of my diary know, I teach singing to the unsuspecting of Croydon (and Chatham). I teach privately but I also teach at a couple of kid's theatre schools. I have come to realise recently that I have become a little complacent over the past year. I would love to not have to teach at the schools anymore and be my own boss (not because I don't enjoy it, I do! In case anyone I work for reads this, I am not leaving imminently!). I want to be totally in charge of my own destiny but this takes legwork.

I have a friend who also teaches singing privately and she has more than enough students to pay her bills and keep her food cupboards fully stocked. SO, what am I doing, or not doing, that is holding me back?

Part of the problem is she is far more the go-getter than I will ever be. I tend to live in a dream world, hoping that fabulous things will land in my lap. I am a little bit of the mindset, if I think it, it will happen even though I am intelligent enough to know that this is codswallop. Nobody ever got anywhere by day-dreaming in bed. Well, except Angela Lansbury et al in "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" (if you don't understand the reference, look up the film, it is amazing). Anyway, all that is set to change. I have already updated my teaching website, and then re-updated when another friend pointed out everything wrong with it, I have put up flyers in my local area and am now waiting for the phone to ring. It hasn't yet but I am hopeful it will.

In the meantime I am also putting into action plans to start an adult choir (that makes it sound a little kinky, it's not, unless you want it to be). This isn't going to make my fortune, and it isn't meant to, it is more a way to become a bigger part of my local community. Being an actor/singer waiting for the next job to come along can be a lonely business. You cant go out meeting friends as much as you would like because this normally costs money. Money you haven't got when you aren't working and with such an uncertain future you have to save every penny possible. Which is why so many actor friends come to realise that you have to have something else on the go in order to get by between jobs. So if I can add to my teaching portfolio with a choir and meet like minded people in my local area it has to be a good thing. At the moment my best friend is Netflix and nobody should have to say that.

I have never been a hugely proactive person but as time rolls on I think this has to change. I therefore apologise in advance to my Facebook friends and Twitter followers as I intend to inundate my Facebook timeline and Twitter feed with posts about my business. Please understand, as a person who tends to apologise for her very existence, this is the final time I am going to apologise for this!

For more information about singing lessons in South Croydon click on The Singing Stars.