Moving forward is reet hard....so let's look back for a bit longer.

So in my last diary entry I treated you all to a video of Stiles and Drewe's "Diva" which seemed to go down quite well with those who had a look. So I thought I would treat you to another. I think this might have a bit of chat beforehand so apologies if you are the gentleman I talk of in the clip. I still maintain, you were, and probably still are, a top bloke. You're intrigued now aren't you so I'd better unleash the video.

The little thumbnail pic is horrendous but that was the best of the three options they gave me and I am too tight to pay YouTube to let me find a better pic. If you have watched this and missed the last one you can still see it here. Just click on the word here (but not the one I just wrote, the one before).

I'm not going to bore you with anything else today. Enjoy my Victoria Wood homage (the song in the video is by her. I probably should have said that) and we will speak again soon.

By the way, I don't know if they work or not but feel free to make comments/suggestions below. I've got a thick(ish) skin, I can take it(ish).

Before we move forward, let's look back!....or some such nonsense.

So, I got myself back on the cabaret horse back in August following a very successful visit to Frinton-on-Sea to "star" as the Widow Corney in Oliver! Of course I thought my contribution to the production was massive (or at least important) until my landlady in Frinton came to see it and, during our debrief of the performance, said "You didn't have a very big part did you!". I could just tell that she had hoped to play host to Nancy or, at the very least, the Artful Dodger. Anyway, I brushed it off and left Frinton the next day telling myself "I am a good company member. My input counted" over and over again until my landlady's words had removed themselves from my psyche. So, I was back to London to prepare for a short cabaret set 4 days later.

This set was the start of, what I am hoping will be a brand new cabaret show all about the 80s. However I did start to think about the first cabaret show I did a couple of years ago and how I haven't really capitalized on it's potential yet. It has only had one outing and, although it was flawed, there was the bones of a fairly good show there. Unfortunately, as well as being incompetent I am, also, incredibly lazy.

Following the one and only performance of my first cabaret I was chatting to a friend about it. A very honest friend, who although she had enjoyed the show, had many points of constructive criticism to make. There were a few things that were rooky mistakes to do with staging that I knew I had done and knew I would not make again but the biggest conclusion we both came to was that there were many good "jokes" in there, I just hadn't quite found them yet. This all comes down to laziness but also to impatience. I would be rubbish at cross stitch or something else that took time to complete. That's why I like crocheting. You see results quickly and that's what I want when I write the material for my cabarets.

I'm even impatient when it comes to these blog posts, which is why they are always riddled with mistakes. I say my posts are edited by my sister but I haven't sent one to her to look over in ages because I am far too impatient to wait for her to check it before I post it. So, I MUST stop being so impetuous and take a bit of time to make sure things are hunky dory before I unleash them on an unsuspecting world.

Case in point, during my prep for my first cabaret I did a short set at The Pheasantry as part of Cabaret Confidential. I sang 5 songs that were including in the longer show when I finally got around to putting it together. One of the songs was Stiles and Drewe's "Diva", a song about a woman who can't sing in tune. I have perfected the art of singing out of tune but hadn't, completely, when I first performed it 2 years ago. See for yourself. This is the full version of the first attempt I made at singing out of tune and, for my money, it isn't quite out of tune enough.

I have performed it numerous times since and am much, much better at singing out of tune now. Who would have thought after all those years of training I would end up actively attempting to sing badly!

Anyway, this is the first of a few posts with clips from my past shows but I am hoping, if I can stem the laziness and the impatience in equal measure, I will have something new to offer soon.

  

Why can't life be one big summer holiday?...it doesn't have to involve Cliff Richard and a big red bus.

So, we are approaching the end of another summer holiday. In a weeks time I have to go back to the day job, back to teaching. However, my summer has been quite eventful actually. For a change.

I spent a beautiful couple of weeks in sunny (most of the time) Frinton-on-Sea playing the Widow Corney in Frinton Summer Theatre's production of "Oliver!" To say the show had 14 children in it, it was the most "grown-up show" I have ever been involved with. No divas, no tantrums, no sniping, no jealousy, no negativity (except one tiny moment from me that only the glorious director was privy to, and it was not on the scale of my usual meltdowns - I'll tell you about one of them later). The whole process was joyful and hugely satisfying and reignited my passion for what I should be doing.

The show itself took place in a tent! We did four shows in two days! We only got into the tent the morning of the first show and promptly had to vacate it to make way for a coffee morning! However, because the cast was so laid back and happy to be there nobody fussed and we put on a blooming good show.

While rehearsing for "Oliver!" I was also having to rehearse for a Cabaret Confidential. Another 20min slot at The Pheasantry I did in August, 5 days after getting back from Frinton. I had decided I wanted to finally get back on the horse called "Cabaret" and start putting together a new show and thought 20mins at The Pheasantry would be just the ticket to get me started. I decided a homage to happier times was in order so my set (and my show, when finished) would have an 80s theme. I can't remember what I did last week but I can recite all the words to "Wake me up before you go-go" without batting an eyelid (apologies if I have used that "joke" before) so the 80s seemed a good place to start.

Up until the day I was very excited. I was prepared, I knew my words (for once - although I had a small blip in one song, but I wouldn't be me without at least one mistake) but on the actual day I started to panic that people would not find me funny. The singing didn't bother me, that usually takes care of itself, but I was literally terrified that my new material would not be funny and, as I only had a small contingent of people in who actually knew me, sympathy laughs would be in short supply. So I panicked right up until my rehearsal at the venue. After that I resigned myself to it, I thought it would be what it would be. There was no getting out of it. Funny or not I had to do it.

Thankfully my opening gambit, which I won't tell you about in case you come to see my show in the future, was met with a wall of laughter so I knew the rest would be OK. I actually didn't sing as well as I can but I didn't actually mind. I know the theme works and it made me want to go home and immediately start working on fleshing out the rest of the show. Watch this space!

I think I will leave you with that for now. I promised you tales of my meltdowns but I think I will save that for another blogpost. Always leave them wanting more I say.

Ring out the old, ring in the new.

So, it has been a while. I hope not to use "it has been a while" for a long time as I intend to try and keep on top of things this year. Don't worry, I won't bombard you with posts but they will be a tad more frequent than they were towards the end of 2015.

I was going to do a post about "The Sound of Music" - Live but Rebecca Caine did a better post than the one I was going to do so you may as well read that instead. Click here to read it. So I thought, new year, new me and all that would make for more interesting reading.

2015 was surprisingly uneventful for me. I find myself surprised to have written that as some quite big things happened for me last year. I did my one woman show/cabaret and I changed agents. Both had the potential to change my life but, unfortunately, neither did. That is not to say they weren't positive experiences, they were, but I think I had unachievable hopes for what they would do to bring about change in my life.

The agent change is definitely positive. I have had a fair amount of auditions in the 8 months I have been with them, unfortunately only 3 of them were for shows/jobs I would have wanted to get. However, auditioning is good for me so I am happy to go for anything they put me up for (within reason and as long as it doesn't interfere too much with my teaching. A girl's got to eat).

The cabaret experience was not all positive, it pains me to say. When I did "Cabaret Confidential" I felt so good about the cabaret thing and couldn't wait to put together a longer programme but the reality didn't live up to the hope I had for it. I wasn't terrible but I wasn't good. Friends may beg to differ but I was not satisfied with the material or my execution of the material and, instead of jumping back on the horse, I wallowed in self pity and self loathing and told myself I should never do it again as I would never be as good as I needed to be. I felt like a total failure.

This is not the case now. It was not, in any way, a failure. Here is a clip that should prove it.

There was a lot of good in what I produced on that night back in February and I would be a fool not to give it another go. So I will. That is actually my main resolution for 2016.

I had a notification from a Vlog I subscribe to, one I have mentioned before, Singer's Secrets, about a new post. It was all about strategies for making the most of your singing in 2016. I won't give away all the strategies here as it was someone else's post, but I intend to put all 4 strategies in motion. In particular the one where she says to set a performance goal that makes you uncomfortable and make yourself do it. I have got lazy, complacent, comfortable and I need to shock myself out of it. I almost shocked myself into action by doing a charity concert towards the end of last year. I sang for strangers and they were all very complimentary about what I did but other scary things had come up at the exact same time that zapped my energy and I put the cabaret thing on the back burner. Well things are more settled now, my mind has room to think again so watch this space.

So I hope the new year is treating you well and you had a lovely Christmas. Please keep reading and, when you feel the urge, please share with your friends. I will be eternally grateful fellow Incompetents.

2 weeks to go....well, 1 and a bit really.

So the day of reckoning is fast approaching. My show, "How did it come to this?" on the 22nd of February at The Pheasantry WILL happen, whether we want it to or not, in just under 2 weeks. Today I ran through the whole show, on my own, and you would have loved it if you had been in my living room this afternoon. Everything I want to say is in my brain I am just hoping I can access it on the night.

I was starting to feel a bit of "the fear" a week or so ago and it occurred to me that I hadn't really performed since I did Cabaret Confidential at The Pheasantry back in July 2014. So when Paul L Martin suggested I go to the West End Wendies open mic night at The Loft above the Brasserie Toulouse-Lautrec in Kennington on Thursday night I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get back on the horse. Plus, as Simona Budd, my pianist on the 22nd, the Hinge to my Bracket if you will (only some of you will understand that cultural reference), was playing that night I decided it was meant to be. We could try out some new stuff. Make sure I knew all the words, make sure the funny songs were actually funny, that sort of thing. Brilliant.

Of course I chickened out of singing anything new and ended up singing 2 songs I did in my Cabaret Confidential set last year. That's OK though as both of these old songs feature in "How did it come to this?" so it wasn't a totally wasted opportunity or anything. I was flabbergasted at how nervous I was, I really wasn't expecting to be the quivering wreck I was, so I am exceedingly pleased I got up and sang. Any chance to rid myself of a few nerves and get into a calmer state of mind has to be a good thing.

I am determined that my nerves will not get the better of me and I am ever hopeful that Sunday the 22nd will be a rousing success and may lead to more nights of the same or similar. I already have show number 2 in the pipeline so I hope that more than 9 people turn up to make said new show a viable proposition. So if you feel like helping a girl out and eating a pizza at the same time then follow the link below to buy your tickets and hopefully I will see you on the 22nd.

Where the heck have you been?

So it has been a LONG time since I last posted. I apologise. I have been preoccupied with all sorts of stuff recently and therefore not been able to put fingers to keyboard to write for a while (does anyone remember when the phrase used to be "pen to paper"? To be fair, it is still a phrase I have just come up with a new one. I say I've come up with a new one, I am pretty sure I am not the first person to coin it). So what do you have to tell us, I hear you cry?

Well, I did a concert. It is true. I did a concert. A proper one with an orchestra and everything. 'Twas in the depths of Welsh Wales, well Cwmbran, at the Congress Theatre with the Welsh Musical Theatre Orchestra. So I am pretty sure you will have deduced it was an evening of musical theatre loveliness. I got to sing stuff I have been dying to sing for years all with the added thrill that it was with orchestra. Apart from a small (coughs) mess up in "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" (to be fair I am a soprano and I was on the bottom harmony line and, as everyone knows, sopranos don't do harmony) it was a stupendously good evening that helped me realise why I chose this as a career and why it should still be my career. As a consequence I am off back to Cwmbran on the 5th December to do a little lunchtime thing at the Congress Theatre with the orchestra's conductor, Andrew Hopkins so, yes folks, that means I am doing another gig. 3 in one year, I might be able to call myself a professional singer again if this keeps up.

The good thing about doing this little shindig on the 5th December is it gives me a chance to try out a few bits and pieces I will be performing at The Pheasantry on the 22nd February 2015. For those who don't know (or don't remember as I am so lazy and have not posted in so long), following my little stint as part of "Cabaret Confidential", Paul L Martin invited me to put together a whole evening of just me (and, of course, the brilliant Simona Budd at the piano). The evening has a title and a poster so it is pretty much ready to go (once I have decided on an actual programme) and it is this I would like to share with you right now. It is subject to change so do not hold me to everything I have included on the poster. You can't book yet but there are only 80 something tickets available so book early to avoid disappointment I say (I will post again when tickets become available).

In the meantime this is a taste of what might be to come:

Small addition to post:

OMG I have just seen that my blog has had over 20,000 views. I thank you all for reading. Roll on 25,000.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.......actually, turns out you can.

So, it has been a couple of weeks since my infamous cabaret (infamous to me, nobody else) and I feel ridiculously excited at the prospect of doing more. I always thought I would love or hate the experience and now, having had time to reflect, I am more certain that I loved every moment. Not only every moment of the actual show but everything that happened beforehand.

In these uncertain times with shows closing left, right and centre I am more sure than ever that making my own work is the way to go. I want to be in control. No one is going to say no to me doing my own show because I am too fat/thin/ugly/gorgeous/tall/short/northern because I decide what I sing, what I say, when I sing, where I sing (to some extent). Yes, this path will bring it's own set of problems. The buck stops with me but then I have always been headstrong and always hated being told what to do.

I have so much respect for friends of mine who think outside the box. My friend Caroline Sabiston is a prime example. To cope with those "rest" periods we actors have to endure she has started her own production company up in the North East and is creating her own work. Visit her company's Facebook page here and give it a like. Caroline is just one example of many of my performer friends sidestepping and trying something else to keep themselves sane.

Anyway, having come down from my cloud I have been thinking I need to keep up the momentum and organise more shows. So, imagine my delight at being approached to do my own solo show! A few days after my slot at The Pheasantry I was asked if I would like to put together a full show. A show of two halves with an interval and everything. Of course I said yes and am now beginning to put together new material. 

When I was at Huddersfield Technical College, many moons ago, I always had a hankering to be a stand up comedian. Me and me mate Kathryn would spend hours reciting French and Saunders sketches whenever we had a break from classes, and sometimes during. Now, do not get me wrong here, I do not consider myself a stand up comedian. Not at all. However, I was so pleased with the chatty bits I came up with between songs and even more pleased that people laughed with me (I hope not at me). All I hope is I can think of equally amusing anecdotes for the rest of the show. I do feel that I have realised, on a very low level, that dream (for want of a better word) I had when I was 16.

So, watch this space for more details, when I know them, about the new show. It will be back at The Pheasantry and will also feature Simona Budd at the piano again. This time, though, I will be responsible for filling the place. Last time I only had to coerce 20 people into coming, this time it's 88 so if you are free (when I know when it will be) please come. For those who didn't see my first show here is a little taster. Enjoy!

I'm King of the World....well Queen of, but that isn't really a thing.

So, Thursday the 10th of July came and went. My cabaret happened. Nobody died, well someone, somewhere in the world will have died but not as a result of my singing. All went, almost, to plan. I was remarkably calm and collected and totally ready for it. I, kind of, pretended I was really nervous but, by the time people arrived, I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to either just do it or fake a heart attack and get taken to hospital. Even I am not prone to such dramatic outbursts so I got on the stage and I did my 20/25 minutes of, well, something.

The Pheasantry, a Pizza Express on the King's Road, is SUCH a nice place to sing. I did not have to push, I had no problem hearing myself and the acoustic was (to me whilst singing) nice and pingy (technical term). I say I didn't have to push, this was, at least partly due to the fact that I chose not to sing anything that went above an F (an octave and a bit above middle C for those who understand such things) so, as a soprano, this was akin to a night off. I was in total control of my voice which is a feeling I have not had in an awfully long time. 

There was a tiny, nervous wobble in my first song which resulted in one of two moments of forgetfulness but for the first time ever, and I mean ever, it did not bother me and I just turned it into part of the "act". If the same happened in a musical or opera I would be beating myself up for days and, if the performance were to be repeated, be sitting in a corner rocking whilst reciting the words over and over again in an attempt to stop the same thing happening again. In this particular instance I actually enjoyed, I think that is the word I want to use, the way it added to everything. I am not planning to work this word slippage into my performances from now on but it is so nice to feel that it won't bother me if it happens again in future performances, and it inevitably will.

Remembering of words was the ONLY thing I was worried about, the only thing I was nervous about. For the first time in my performing life I felt I knew exactly what I was doing and that I was in total control. This feeling was cultivated with the help of my pianist, Simona Budd. Although we had only met once before the show I felt totally at ease and totally supported. She listens, to the point of it feeling like she was reading my mind at one moment, and went with everything I did. This happens rarely. I have only worked with a handful of pianists who I have this kind of connection with and she has definitely been added to the very short list. 

I was exceedingly lucky that I had an amazing audience who were supportive from the off. Not just because I had many, many wonderful friends there but the general vibe in the room was so calming. There was excitement but no huge, unreachable expectations. You could feel every, single person willing the people on stage to do well. Although you can not always be lucky enough to have this sort of support at every gig I was so, so grateful that I did for my first attempt at cabaret. It was lovely to surprise everyone in the room and exceed their, not unreachable, expectations, however, it was even more satisfying and surprising to have exceeded my own. I am hopelessly self critical so, for me, the fact that I LOVED every single second of my set and, even though things did go "wrong" they actually didn't as I would not have wanted the things that went wrong to have gone right as they made the whole experience even more special as I handled the mistakes in my own way and didn't apologise for my very existence (sorry for the long sentence). Apologising for my existence is something I am prone to do most of the time.

A friend of mine, who has done shows at The Pheasantry before, said something to me that summed up my experience. She didn't actually get to see me strut my stuff but she said the experience is "quite empowering once you start". This hit the nail on the head for me. I think the fact that it was my own material (not the songs, I did not write them) created a sense of achievement in myself I have not had before. I had put together 5 songs and found a way to link them and written blurb to say in between that people actually laughed at. I think the fact that people actually, genuinely laughed, not that fake laughing people can do to try to keep your spirits up when it really isn't funny, was the most thrilling and empowering thing about it. For the first time in a long time I feel I am good at something again.

So what next, I hear you cry? I, for one, can not wait to do it again. I already have another 20 minutes planned out in my head so put it together with what I already have that is, count it, a 40 minute set. So watch this space as, hopefully, there will be much more to come. 

After all these years and all that training, all those big shows and tours who would have thought that 20 minutes on a tiny stage in Chelsea, just me and a fabulous pianist, would make for the best 20 minutes I have experienced on a stage. Ever!

A bit of shameless self-promotion....is there a better use of one's own blog?

So you may, or may not, recall a I am finally putting myself out there again and, for the very first time, putting together a Cabaret (you only have to listen to me for 20 minutes, 25 if I waffle). If you want to refresh your memory you can read Time to get back on the horse then... before you read on.

July 10th is the date I have chosen (actually I didn't really have a choice) to torture people with the beginnings of my one woman show. I will be appearing at The Pheasantry (Pizza Express on the King's Road) as part of Cabaret Confidential and I thought what better way to make a start on my Incompetent Soprano show than throwing myself in at the deep end. At least this way if I bore you you can eat yourself into oblivion.

July 10th will give you, and me, the opportunity to sample a little of what might be. Of course, this is assuming you are in the least bit interested in witnessing such an event.

So if you fancy a bit of pizza with your cabaret I promise to, at least, try to amuse you. It would be so fabulous to have some friendly faces in the audience. Book your table now by clicking here.

See you on Thursday 10th July.

Time to get back on the horse then....well, stage, I am actually a little scared of horses.

So, as we established in my last Diary Entry life has begun (So apparently life has begun). Having said that I am writing this whilst lounging about avoiding doing the multitude of chores I should be doing right now. 

I mentioned "The Artist's Way" in "Amazing what a positive attitude can do" a few weeks ago and one thing this book explores is synchronicity. By this they mean the way things seem to happen just when you need them to. Normally you would put it down to coincidence but "The Artist's Way" suggests these coincidences are not coincidences at all. So imagine my feeling when a friend of mine (my excellent friend Carmen Vass in case you are wondering) started telling me about the cabaret she is doing on July 10th and how she thought there was still a slot free should I be interested in having a go. 

Even though every fibre of my being wanted to say no I made myself say yes. This could not be a coincidence. I have been saying for SO long how I have wanted to have a go at cabaret and how I want to put together a one woman show so this opportunity is surely meant to be. I may not be cut out for it in the long run but too often I imagine doing something but never do it for fear of the reality not being as good as the dream. Not this time! Another thing "The Artist's Way" says is to get into the habit of saying "yes". Which is what I am really trying to do. I think my favourite word, up until this point, has been "maybe". 

So now I am desperately trying to put together 25 minutes of songs and mildly amusing chat that it can perform as part of "Cabaret Confidential" at The Pheasantry (Pizza Express on the King's Road, Chelsea) on Thursday July 10th. It will, in theory, be based on this here blog so watch this space for more details as and when they become available. By that I mean when I actually formulate a few thoughts and put something together. If you are free, and fancy a pizza with your entertainment, a few friendly faces in the audience would be very much appreciated.



Go to Pizza Express Live for more info on what is coming up. However, at the time of writing this, the cabaret night I am involved in is not, as yet, listed.