1 week to go.....well 6 days....is that right?

So, less than a week until I finally do this Pheasantry thing. It has been a LONG time coming. Do not fret, I will stop going on about it very, very soon. 

With less than a week to go what do I decide would be a good thing to do? Go on holiday. I say holiday, do a couple of days just North of Blackpool constitute a holiday? In my world it does that's for sure. I don't really do holidays. Anyway, on my trip up to Blackpool yesterday (Sunday) I was listening to Elaine Paige's radio show on Radio 2 (the greatest radio station in the world!) when she said something along the lines of "there are great things coming up this week at The Pheasantry". My ears pricked up, my heart started beating ridiculously fast, would she get to Sunday? Would I get a mention on Elaine Paige on Sunday? No! She went as far as Saturday as some fabulous musical theatre singer is doing a few nights this week. I'm not quite famous enough for EP. Yet.

I am far too nervous already to talk more about this right now so I will just leave you with the link to buy tickets. Please come along if you can. If I can  get enough people to cover Simona's fee for playing the Joanna and the filming of the event I will consider the evening a success. Of course my dream is to have to turn people away the place is so rammed on the night but, this time, I reckon that is a pipe dream.

3 weeks to go.....honestly not sure how I feel about that!

So, having waited 7 months, the day of my cabaret is fast approaching. In my head it is going to be a triumph. People will laugh, people will cry (for the right reasons), everyone will leave unable to wait for the next one. Hmmm, that's how it goes for about 5 seconds before a veil of impending doom descends over my head. It is too late to get out of it now so it will happen and I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The worst being I forget my words all over the place, nobody laughs and there is a constant stream of tumbleweed passing before my feet throughout.

To be fair this is how I feel before most performances. I was listening to a radio interview with the fabulous actress Juliet Stevenson the other day and she said before she goes on for a performance she always thinks "Is it too late to retrain as a midwife?" I yelled "YES" at the radio because that is almost exactly what I think before going on stage (I sometimes change the profession). I just have to keep telling myself it will be fine and if it's not it will still happen and people will forget about it soon enough.

I don't mean to sound defeatist and pessimistic I just feel a lot of pressure. Pressure that I have applied myself. No one else has made me feel I HAVE to be good. The friends who intend to come are coming to support me not to see me fail which means I won't fail (even if I do forget my words). 

Anyway, worrying aside, the countdown to Sunday 22nd February has begun. Barring disaster it will come and it will go. Whether it is deemed a success or not is irrelevant the fact I am putting myself out there is more than enough for me. They say you should do something that scares you every day well I think this will be the equivalent of a months worth of scariness.

So if you fancy a bit of song and pizza please come along to The Pheasantry (Pizza Express, King's Road, London) on the 22nd.

I'm King of the World....well Queen of, but that isn't really a thing.

So, Thursday the 10th of July came and went. My cabaret happened. Nobody died, well someone, somewhere in the world will have died but not as a result of my singing. All went, almost, to plan. I was remarkably calm and collected and totally ready for it. I, kind of, pretended I was really nervous but, by the time people arrived, I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to either just do it or fake a heart attack and get taken to hospital. Even I am not prone to such dramatic outbursts so I got on the stage and I did my 20/25 minutes of, well, something.

The Pheasantry, a Pizza Express on the King's Road, is SUCH a nice place to sing. I did not have to push, I had no problem hearing myself and the acoustic was (to me whilst singing) nice and pingy (technical term). I say I didn't have to push, this was, at least partly due to the fact that I chose not to sing anything that went above an F (an octave and a bit above middle C for those who understand such things) so, as a soprano, this was akin to a night off. I was in total control of my voice which is a feeling I have not had in an awfully long time. 

There was a tiny, nervous wobble in my first song which resulted in one of two moments of forgetfulness but for the first time ever, and I mean ever, it did not bother me and I just turned it into part of the "act". If the same happened in a musical or opera I would be beating myself up for days and, if the performance were to be repeated, be sitting in a corner rocking whilst reciting the words over and over again in an attempt to stop the same thing happening again. In this particular instance I actually enjoyed, I think that is the word I want to use, the way it added to everything. I am not planning to work this word slippage into my performances from now on but it is so nice to feel that it won't bother me if it happens again in future performances, and it inevitably will.

Remembering of words was the ONLY thing I was worried about, the only thing I was nervous about. For the first time in my performing life I felt I knew exactly what I was doing and that I was in total control. This feeling was cultivated with the help of my pianist, Simona Budd. Although we had only met once before the show I felt totally at ease and totally supported. She listens, to the point of it feeling like she was reading my mind at one moment, and went with everything I did. This happens rarely. I have only worked with a handful of pianists who I have this kind of connection with and she has definitely been added to the very short list. 

I was exceedingly lucky that I had an amazing audience who were supportive from the off. Not just because I had many, many wonderful friends there but the general vibe in the room was so calming. There was excitement but no huge, unreachable expectations. You could feel every, single person willing the people on stage to do well. Although you can not always be lucky enough to have this sort of support at every gig I was so, so grateful that I did for my first attempt at cabaret. It was lovely to surprise everyone in the room and exceed their, not unreachable, expectations, however, it was even more satisfying and surprising to have exceeded my own. I am hopelessly self critical so, for me, the fact that I LOVED every single second of my set and, even though things did go "wrong" they actually didn't as I would not have wanted the things that went wrong to have gone right as they made the whole experience even more special as I handled the mistakes in my own way and didn't apologise for my very existence (sorry for the long sentence). Apologising for my existence is something I am prone to do most of the time.

A friend of mine, who has done shows at The Pheasantry before, said something to me that summed up my experience. She didn't actually get to see me strut my stuff but she said the experience is "quite empowering once you start". This hit the nail on the head for me. I think the fact that it was my own material (not the songs, I did not write them) created a sense of achievement in myself I have not had before. I had put together 5 songs and found a way to link them and written blurb to say in between that people actually laughed at. I think the fact that people actually, genuinely laughed, not that fake laughing people can do to try to keep your spirits up when it really isn't funny, was the most thrilling and empowering thing about it. For the first time in a long time I feel I am good at something again.

So what next, I hear you cry? I, for one, can not wait to do it again. I already have another 20 minutes planned out in my head so put it together with what I already have that is, count it, a 40 minute set. So watch this space as, hopefully, there will be much more to come. 

After all these years and all that training, all those big shows and tours who would have thought that 20 minutes on a tiny stage in Chelsea, just me and a fabulous pianist, would make for the best 20 minutes I have experienced on a stage. Ever!

A bit of shameless self-promotion....is there a better use of one's own blog?

So you may, or may not, recall a I am finally putting myself out there again and, for the very first time, putting together a Cabaret (you only have to listen to me for 20 minutes, 25 if I waffle). If you want to refresh your memory you can read Time to get back on the horse then... before you read on.

July 10th is the date I have chosen (actually I didn't really have a choice) to torture people with the beginnings of my one woman show. I will be appearing at The Pheasantry (Pizza Express on the King's Road) as part of Cabaret Confidential and I thought what better way to make a start on my Incompetent Soprano show than throwing myself in at the deep end. At least this way if I bore you you can eat yourself into oblivion.

July 10th will give you, and me, the opportunity to sample a little of what might be. Of course, this is assuming you are in the least bit interested in witnessing such an event.

So if you fancy a bit of pizza with your cabaret I promise to, at least, try to amuse you. It would be so fabulous to have some friendly faces in the audience. Book your table now by clicking here.

See you on Thursday 10th July.