Wednesday, 9 May 2018

To renew or not to renew, that is the question!

Short post today that I am hoping will help me make a decision so any thoughts are gratefully received. Leave a comment below or get in touch.

So, I have reached yet another crossroads in life. Do I renew my Spotlight membership or not? Spotlight, for those who don't know, is like a big online directory of actors. I have not had an audition (through choice) in over a year and I don't see myself wanting to put myself back out there for another year or two (if ever). However, if I cancel now it could feel like that's the end and the incentive to try again disappears or it could just feel like the break it's supposed to be.

Lord knows I could do without spending the £154 it will cost to remain a member but is it worth spending it so as to hold on to the possibility of returning to performing in the future? Thing is, I know me (sort of), I know if I give myself an out like this and remove myself from Spotlight the complacent part will not attempt to try again.

The other side of this is perhaps I'm not meant to try again. Perhaps I am meant to teach and run my choir and be happy with my lot. I'm certainly not unhappy right now. I have perked up since the last couple of posts but was I happier when I was auditioning and putting myself out there?

Right now I feel (and look) old and my energy level doesn't seem high enough to put myself through dance calls with 23 year old graduates again. I quite like teaching 16-18yr olds, who are full of enthusiasm and dreams, knowing what I know, helping them and living vicariously through them. Is that enough? Question is, should I cancel my membership, save my £154 and put it towards a new iPad instead?

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