I’m not sure if my reluctance to go out and make it happen is because I fear failure or because I fear success. Failure, although heartbreaking at times, is the easier outcome in many ways. I can say “I gave it a go” or “it wasn’t to be” and then go back to watching a box set of some inane drama series happy in the knowledge that it’s over. Success, on the other hand, although initially sweet, means more work and I just don’t have the energy right now.
Throughout the last two blog posts I may have painted a picture that suggests I don’t do anything and don’t care about anything. This is NOT the case. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I work very hard to ensure I prepare well for everything I do. Unfortunately, I think I am spreading myself too thin which means I can’t give enough energy to the pursuit of what I really want out of life. A while ago I endured a fairly lengthy period of feeling like there was no point to anything and couldn’t work out what on earth (literally) I am here for. I stopped feeling this a few months back and now, even during my low moments, I never think what’s the point anymore. Definite progress I’d say.
That said, I am yet to find enlightenment, my true purpose, and that's OK. As long as I am not hurting anyone and am relatively happy with my lot I don't need the universe telling me what I have been put on this earth for. Perhaps my reason for being has already shown itself when I saved someone by pushing them out if the way of a moving car (never happened) or I helped a student realise their potential by helping them get a distinction in an exam (did happen). It could be as simple as that. For a long time I thought there had to be more to life but this takes me back to the title of this post.
I am obviously waiting for something to happen, for my path to be lit up so as I can follow it but the truth is, I need to grab a torch and light up my own path. However, I can only do this if I make time for it. I am doing a few things at the moment that I really wish I wasn't because I need to in order to pay my rent. I know what to do to sort this out and I did make strides in the right direction earlier today but I was shot down with the first email. Now I could stop and think "I gave it a go" or "it wasn't to be" but then I would be right back at square one and I really don't want to go and watch Homeland or Grey's Anatomy right now I actually want my idea to work. So, I will try another avenue and if I get shot down again, as they say, or sing, in Trolls: I will get back up again!
That said, I am yet to find enlightenment, my true purpose, and that's OK. As long as I am not hurting anyone and am relatively happy with my lot I don't need the universe telling me what I have been put on this earth for. Perhaps my reason for being has already shown itself when I saved someone by pushing them out if the way of a moving car (never happened) or I helped a student realise their potential by helping them get a distinction in an exam (did happen). It could be as simple as that. For a long time I thought there had to be more to life but this takes me back to the title of this post.
I am obviously waiting for something to happen, for my path to be lit up so as I can follow it but the truth is, I need to grab a torch and light up my own path. However, I can only do this if I make time for it. I am doing a few things at the moment that I really wish I wasn't because I need to in order to pay my rent. I know what to do to sort this out and I did make strides in the right direction earlier today but I was shot down with the first email. Now I could stop and think "I gave it a go" or "it wasn't to be" but then I would be right back at square one and I really don't want to go and watch Homeland or Grey's Anatomy right now I actually want my idea to work. So, I will try another avenue and if I get shot down again, as they say, or sing, in Trolls: I will get back up again!
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