Sunday, 3 December 2017

Oi! What's actually going on?

So, it has taken a while for the muse of inspiration to bash me over the head again but I think my head, in the words of Basil Fawlty, has just had a damn good thrashing. I don't think anything has been resolved but there is definite food for thought.

To be honest I wrote that opening paragraph about two weeks ago and can not for the life of me remember to what I was referring. However, I reckon I can make it work.

I have neglected this blog for a while, of course I was planning on stopping writing it altogether, then decided I didn't want to do that and then found myself forgetting to remember to write a new post. Anyway, here we are and I am going to carry on wrtiting until I think of something interesting to convey to you. Interestingly, well I think it's interesting, The Artist's Way asks you to do something similar to this in it's very first chapter.

I have spoken of The Artist's Way before. It helped me out a few years ago in getting my performers mojo back. Unfortunately it has been lost again somewhere between 2015 and today and I am in a quandary as to whether or not I bother looking for it. As a result of this state of indecisiveness I am contemplating dusting off my copy of The Artist's Way and giving it another go.

One of the first things The Artist's Way does is to get you to write, what they call, morning pages. 3 pages of stream of consciousness, no thinking, just write whatever comes into your head. A bit like this blog really. I have a few notebooks full of these ramblings that I haven't yet dared to read back. Probably best not to really but I don't feel I can throw them away either. However, would starting this again help me get my singing mojo back?

I go through phases of wanting to sing and phases of really not wanting to. It is possibly hormonal. I am of a certain age where shit is going to get real very soon and I will enter a new chapter in the life of being a woman. I won't bore you with this as there are a fair few men who read this blog and I doubt they need or want to know the best way to deal anything vaguely menopausal. We'll draw a line under that right now and go back to trying to sort the rest of my life out.

There's no doubt that my life is pretty good right now. I make a decent living from teaching, I, for the most part, work for myself and don't really have to answer to anyone but there is this deep, little niggle that seems to say "you'll regret it if you give up singing altogether". Fact is, if I keep teaching I will not give up altogether but the only actual singing I seem to do at the moment is when I record guide tracks for my choir or the kids I teach (you should hear my Jingle Bells and I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday - maybe I'll post one). Much as that satisfies a little part of me that wants to sing I'm not sure it's enough.

Unfortunately the longer I leave it the more terrified I get of getting out there again. I wrote a post ages ago about stage fright, I've always had it but, especially as I get older and have more trouble remembering lyrics, it seems to be getting worse. But is that a reason not to do something? They, whoever they are, say you should do something that scares you everyday so maybe that's as good a reason as any to do it.

Anyway that's enough rambling for now. I may give The Artist's Way another go and see if it reignites something or I may just go and have a cup of tea and do a bit of crochet as all potentially menopausal women should do.