Tuesday 12 January 2016

You want me to audition?...go on then. I LOVE auditioning.

So, yesterday I did an audition. Hooray. Auditioning holds no fears for me at the moment. I don't know what has happened but I think I would go as far as to say I actually enjoy them. I used to HATE auditioning but now I look forward to it. That makes me a bit of a freak I think. We are not supposed to enjoy it but I really do. Even the bad auditions are fun and that is what I want to tell you about today.

So yesterday's audition was one of the worst auditions I have done IN MY LIFETIME! However, I am amazed at how I don't feel down about it or frustrated or angry. Shit happens (sorry) and many things are out of your control. Unfortunately yesterday was bad and it was absolutely, totally my own fault that it was so bad. I was prepared. It wasn't that. So what was it? Let's start at the beginning.

My audition time was midday in Central London. I set off from home with plenty of time and all went swimmingly until I reached Leicester Square tube station. That's when I decided to trust Google Maps which sent me in the wrong direction. Although as I was walking in the wrong direction a strange man said "Jesus loves you" to me so that was nice. I realised I was going the wrong way at 11.55. I turned around and walked quickly in the direction I should have been going in in the first place and reached my destination at 12.05.

Luckily they were running a little bit late so I thought I had time to gather myself and get my breath back, having, virtually, ran all the way and then up 3 flights of stairs to the reception. Oh no, no, no. I sat down and was immediately told to go, with two other girls, upstairs. Up 4 more flights of stairs. I thought, OK if one of the other girls goes first I can compose myself out here and be ready to sing. Oh no, no, no. I had to go in straight away.

Now, those who know me will remember I used to be quite fat. I am still quite fat but I am fit (well, fitter) due to my two year obsession with Zumba and Body Combat. Unfortunately the sweaty, out of breath mess I appeared to be when I walked in the audition room, the hot audition room (so hot I thought I was in a Bikram Yoga session), probably gave the impression that I am unfit, out of shape and really not up to singing AND dancing at the same time. A fair assumption I would say.

Anyway, I tried to stall proceedings in order to regulate my breathing by discussing the different songs I had brought to sing. Unfortunately they liked the first one I mentioned. The (excellent) pianist  took my music and started playing. No conversation about what I was doing with the song. So I started to (try to) sing. It was a belt song but because I was still out of breath I kept flipping into head voice at unfortunate moments and kept making faces that told the panel I thought what I was doing was bad. Really, really bad. I got to the end of the first verse and realised myself and the pianist had not discussed what happened after this. My music was marked up so he got over the first hurdle into the bridge unscathed but then came the repeat and frantic swishing of pages trying to get back to the appropriate page. I kept singing while trying to indicate to the pianist how sorry I was. THEN we had to go to the coda. More frantic page flipping and facial apologies from me. Final note was coming. It is LONG but not normally a problem. I got just over half way and gave up. I apologised and said I normally make it to the end. They laughed raucously, I apologised profusely using actual words and I left.

I immediately called my friend to tell him of the hilarity of the situation and went for a coffee to calm myself down. As I said, though, I was not upset. That sort of experience would normally have left me distraught but I was fine. It was not the end of the world. I made my way home and started practising for the audition I have tomorrow. This time I will be there at least an hour early and might take a paper bag to breath into should there be more stairs to negotiate but I can honestly say I am looking forward to it. It really can't go any worse than yesterday's.

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