Saturday 21 February 2015

Tomorrow, tomorrow I love is love the right word?

So tomorrow is the day. I am starting to panic. All those feelings of being unprepared have reared their ugly heads. Two days ago I said to my flatmate, following a rehearsal with Simona, that I could have done my show that night. Today I can't remember anything. My head is full to the brim with words. They are all jumbled up and I am not convinced I will be able to rearrange them into the correct order before tomorrow. 

I also had a total anxiety dream last night. One where I couldn't find the stage and it was half an hour later than curtain up time. I woke up wanting to cry. It is a long time since I had an anxiety dream to do with performing. I also feel like I am getting a cold. I have taken First Defence and I am off to the gym to do a bit of Zumba and then to sit in the steam room for a few hours or so. I will then come home and go through my show 5 or 6 times (in my head, I won't sing it 5 or 6 times that would be ridiculous) in an effort to feel better about tomorrow.

I was trying to remember how I felt before Cabaret Confidential last July. Did I experience the same level of anxiety then or was I ok? I have totally blocked it out. I know I felt brilliant after but this time I have three times as much material. I am not hugely worried about forgetting words in the songs (to be honest that will probably happen so I should just accept that and move on) but I am worried about the chatty bits in between. Every time I go through everything I keep going off at a tangent and find it very difficult to get back on track. 

Anyway, cold or no cold, words or no words there is no getting out of it now. I am expecting about 25 people (perhaps a couple of dogs too) to come tomorrow night. Disappointing but I didn't really expect more than that so I am grateful so many people have agreed to endure whatever I throw at them tomorrow night. I am terrified I will be unfunny and The Pheasantry will be filled with tumbleweed but then I would not be me without a ridiculous amount of worry and pessimism. That is just the way I am. 

I realise this is the worst sort of advertising I am doing right now but I think if you are coming you have already decided so nothing I say here and now will change your mind. However, if you are coming and have not got your tickets yet you can get them by clicking on the following link or you can chance your arm and just roll up and pay on the door. See you on the other side!

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